For context, we were in a pretty heated argument when he said that because he was upset that I spent the night at my friends house the night before and drank. He has children, I don’t. So we both agreed that when I’m drinking, I’ll find somewhere else to stay for the night when the kids are home. This was the case.
In general, he doesn’t like me drinking and he claims that’s the only issue we have in our relationship. I have had issues with alcohol in the past and I think it triggers him which is completely understandable. We have pretty “normal” arguments outside of that like who’s going to clean what, and how our schedules differ so we don’t spend much time together it feels like. I work nights, so naturally I sleep all day and he’ll call me lazy. He works mornings from home.
Anyways, he was upset with me that I was drinking and didn’t come home per usual. However, he knew exactly where I was and has my location at all times and even FaceTimed me just to yell at me then get mad when I don’t answer again because I’m not trying to get yelled at in front of my friends?
I had come home the next day and casually scrolling on instagram, I saw him leaving comments on other girls photos and flirting with them. I confronted him and he started yelling at me, telling me that he doesn’t know why he’s with me. Saying that I don’t offer him anything and that I wouldn’t have shit if it wasn’t for him. He tells me that I hate myself and that’s why he hates me because how can he love someone who doesn’t love themselves. All very hurtful things.
This argument happened two weeks ago and I can’t get it out of my mind even though we blew it off and things are back to normal. It bothers me. But I know that if I mention it bothering me, I’ll just get shut out and somehow convinced that I don’t have a right to feel that way. We haven’t had sex in months and whenever I try to cuddle or show any sort of affection towards him, he pulls away from me. I’m afraid that he just hates me and everything that he said during the argument is his true feelings. I’m just not sure what to do. Ultimately, if we break up I would have to find another place to live as I gave up my apartment to move in with him since he has kids and all. I’m paying half of all of the bills and his car payment since he lets me use his car since I don’t have one. I know there’s lots wrong with this picture. I haven’t been saving anything for myself and investing everything I have into my relationship and our house which can all be taken away from me at a blink of an eye.
I’ve been contemplating just moving in with family for the time being just so I don’t have to live like this anymore. My only other option is to stay and hope our relationship gets better even though it feels like I’m the only one that wants it to. Thinking I should save up some money and just leave. Idk. Maybe I’m being extremely sensitive and emotional