Rant incoming, looking for advice from both sides on what to do:
My wife of just about 5 years and mother to out 2.5 year old daughter is essentially a stay at home mom that works 12 hours a week. I work a demanding job (restaurant management in a higher end corporate setting) in which my schedule varies drastically week to week and day by day. On my days off, I make sure that I plan to do fun things for my family that get everyone out of the house for at least a few hours and if I have my daughter to myself on a rare occasion can’t stand to keep her cooped up all day. Since meeting my wife, I’ve been through two major career growth spurts and am still working on professional development to make a complete career shift that will round out my degree with all of my acquired skills and talents over the coming months.
Meanwhile, my wife has attempted, and given up on, two separate online courses to try to find better employment. Her part time job brings in less that $20/hour and we are both well into our 30’s. She has no real professional skills, but is no longer trying to develop any. When I’m at work, she spends every day in her pajamas, the same ones she’s slept in for the last two days sometimes. She won’t shower for up to 5 days at a time sometimes either… I’ve pointed out how unhealthy this is and told her that all she needs to do is tell me she needs a shower and I’ll take over kiddo… but she won’t do it. I literally have to tell her to do it. She also barely takes our kid out of the house and always has some excuse why our daughter isn’t being socialized like she should be. She can’t make mom friends because she isn’t willing to give other moms a chance either, or even just exchange numbers if our daughter is playing really well with another kid at the playground so they can meet again. Our kid has one friend because of this… her cousin.
I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like I keep pushing ahead in life and she’s just wallowing. She admits she’s depressed, but won’t make an appointment for a local therapist. She did online therapy for a few sessions but gave that up too. She has been a great caretaker for our daughter but I’m even noticing a decline there too. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Do I just have a more stern conversation at this point? I’ve only taken the gentle, supportive husband approach. Maybe it’s time to take the no B.S. approach so she really understands the impact all of this is having? I don’t know…