*Only lightly edited, so my apologies for any typos. Also cross posted because I really need help. Sorry for the Length
TLDR: I’m unsure if wether I’m overreacting to the treatment I’ve recently from my friend from high school
Hi Reddit, I (18, F) am having a problem which I would deeply appreciate advice. It started about a year ago, when I became closer to my friend “Janet”(18, F). Janet and I were pretty okay friends for a couple years now, and have had a few high school classes together (We both graduated in 2023). Around the end of the first semester of grade 12, we became much closer and began to spend much more time together. I had already seen a couple of red flags, but I figured I was just being judgy or simply misinterpreting what was going on. These red flags amplified themselves when we became closer however.
A huge point of contention for me is her ongoing relationship with “Jack”. Jack and her are probably the most toxic couple I have ever met. I am not going to air out all of the issues they’ve had as it doesn’t matter to the current discussion, however there are a few instances that I do think add context to my issues with Janet. Jack and Janet broke up around April 2023, after Janet had been complaining to me about Jack everyday to me for months; In person and over text, every single conversation was dominated by Jack and all the horrible things he was doing (This will be a reoccurring theme). Initially I felt horrible for my friend, but as the days turned into months, I grew exhausted of constantly reiterating versions of “Leave him”. She would retell the same story over and over, and expect me to have a reaction and repeat my advice every day. I don’t mind not talking about myself, but it felt like she should’ve just talked to a recording of my voice that just repeated phrases like “You deserve better”, “Leave him”, “That man ain’t shit”. There’s a lot of details I don’t think I would feel right sharing, but it essentially culminated in a situation where it felt like she was demanding the support of her boyfriend, from me. I had to constantly make up for the lack of care Jack gave her, and it was too much for me mentally. To make a long story short I ended up letting her know I couldn’t handle the dynamic we had fallen into, and cutting her off as soon as we graduated (June 2023).
However over the months I started to feel guilty over how everything had happened, and I felt like maybe I could’ve gave more effort to our friendship. So in December, when she reached out with a question about my hairdresser, I saw it as a sign that maybe we should reconnect. Over December and January we began talking fairly regularly again. I decided this time I would give my all into this friendship, so that I knew that I was doing all that I could. I noticed some red flags as we texted but like I said, I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. We hung out again in person for the first time the day after her birthday, which was in February. The thing I feared most happened, and we spent most of our time together talked and catching up about all the things Jack had done recently. I thought maybe it would only be the first hangout, and that she just needed to get it off her chest. However a new situation began to occur, which was her constantly talking about her tinder matches, hookups, and all the sexual things men were saying to her. I wouldn’t consider myself a prude, but I don’t think that graphic and unprovoked details about your sex life are my business or a fun topic of discussion. I hoped that if I made it clear I didn’t enjoy talking about these things, she would stop, but it did not. It feels like she only wants to talk to me when it’s about guys.
The next time we hung out it was largely the same. An issue I had with Janet the entire time, but hadn’t been a large concern for me up until recently was her tendency to copy things I did without acknowledging it. It feels immature to have a problem with, but something about her copying me or bringing up something I’ve been talking about doing for ages like it’s her original thought, drives me crazy. If you want specific examples in the comments I’d be happy to share but I don’t want to make this post too long. It feels like she is constantly competing with me or trying to one up me. She always has to correct what I say or explain why I am wrong, even when it’s about something objective. I have to put my childhood dog who means the absolute world to me down at the end of the month, and the extent of the comfort I’ve received from her is “Awww girlie I’m sorry” any time I talk about the grief I feel, after a year of comforting her over and over, she couldn’t even bother to act like she cares about me.
That’s all I’m going to include, this has kind of devolved into me just complaining. My question is am I overreacting? I know I am young and 18-year-olds famously have terrible judgement so I am not sure. Should I drop her again? Please help me.