The online dating market is filled with pithy slogans, so-bad-they’re-good memes, and truthy deepities. I could spend weeks attempting to catalog and explain the insipid nothings I see on any single given day and still not arrive at an exhaustive list. So instead of attempting to create a list, I will employ a single microcosmic example by which to judge the lot.
>”Everything happens for a reason.”
At first I have to wonder if the person who types this has actually considered the words they have written or more realistically, copied and pasted from their drunken single aunt’s facebook feed. I like to think that whoever relays those words does not understand them. It’s easier to think they don’t even know what they’re saying when they suppose those words convey any true and meaningful interpretation. A tautological trusim such as “it is what it is” would be less insipid and more valuable than to say everything happens for a reason. And this is not even approaching the distantly preferable thing one can say instead which is nothing at all.
It makes me feel so, so sad and alone to consider that the person who relays their stupid message did so knowingly, and believes those words contain a shred meaning. The statement itself can be interpreted in a number of ways, but seemingly the most popular meaning entails that great tragedy in someone’s life is someone else’s way of “doing good” in the most nebulous sense. Even the most popular among these interpretations is that God causes plagues, tortures men, rapes women and children and floods entire planets because his perfect plan isn’t working out. So hang on tight everybody, we’re about to experience divine grace.
I’m reminded of the scene from Cool Hand Luke when Paul Newman tells the prison warden “Gee boss, I wish you’d stop being so nice to me.”
More to the point, there is no end of evidence that the statement in question is false. Cancer patients who are prayed for die at the same rate as those who are not prayed for. There has never, ever, EVER been a verifiable recorded instance of a miracle, an angel, a ghost or any supernatural event. But such things are the only possible explanation for what may in good conscience know that a better outcome will result from great suffering and loss. It’s their reasoning for which things happen, you see?
The only thing worse than the statement itself is the implied and inevitable meta-response “hurr-durr I’m terminally obtuse and I’m going to construe the statement to the very narrowest of definitions meaning pertaining only to formal causation. Everything DOES happen for a reason, you’re TECHNICALLY WRONG and Aristotle and Issac Newton would like a word, brosef..”
All of this is only an incomplete deep-dive into a single throwaway remark standing in for the bottomless pit of throwaway remarks. And this is the entire dating market. How the fuck is anyone supposed to find intelligent life? When someone says “Just be yourself,” I’m reminded that the species is headed for extinction anyway.
The entire dating market is reddit. It’s all Bazingas and fortnite dances and political sloganeering. And the worst part might be that these same people, you in all likelihood, listen to the same podcasts and enjoy the same esoteric music and eat avocado on your toast and isn’t that so funny, current, chic, random and cute?
tl;dr The fact that there is no off ramp is nauseating. We’re stuck here unless and until we manage to find one person who isn’t an extension of the hideous mass of cultural rot.
We’re stuck until we stop using our amygdalae and start using our prefrontal cortices. We used to have religion to keep us from the consequences of our bad decisions. Now we just need to learn all over from scratch that being stupid is painful. I’m starting to see the value in being a passport-bro. Maybe I can move to Antarctica or the Canadian wilderness. It can’t be worse than this.