We have two kids (8,10) and he owns a business. He is always always busy. Whether it be emails, phone calls, whatever. If it’s not work, he can’t sit still and is always planning something with the kids – but he doesn’t plan for us hardly unless it’s tied to the business and/or benefiting some other busy facet of his life. Other than that, he doesn’t understand why I’m burned out and exhausted.
I’m always working towards making time for us, and he’s always working towards making time for the kids and all of us. We stopped doing date nights and we usually only have an hour or two together every night if he is awake still. He hits the pillow and falls asleep.
Throughout the day, I text him and share my day with him and he’s so busy, he doesn’t even see it a lot of the time. I’ll bring up something I shared and I get a blank stare and a, “huh?” Then he will typically feel bad for missing it.
I don’t think he will ever understand how unseen I feel. It’s because he’s providing and doing important things he’d “rather not be doing,” and because of that, I should just be understanding and let it go. But I’m lonely and I miss my best friend. I’m starting to get paranoid and feel like he’s uninterested in me or finding emotional intimacy elsewhere, because it doesn’t feel like he even needs it from me. It just feels so inconsistent.
It will be months before he realizes we haven’t had time together. And in that time of trying to make him aware, I grow depressed and very isolated. I’m a student, a sahm and just generally do anything anyone else needs. I’ve been having routine nervous breakdowns, drinking and not sleeping. I just need my companion back. I feel like out of all of everyone’s needs, mine are continually put on the back burner because we are parents, have responsibilities, etc. But realistically.. it doesn’t make sense that we aren’t setting an example of two people in love that value their time and maintain closeness and intimacy.
This came to a head recently and I decided to stop drinking and start focusing on myself more. But how do I put my foot down and set my boundaries? How to I handle feeling so cast out from him? I am a loving, nurturing and warm woman who needs that back from her partner and I’ve always known that he struggles with this but everyone needs it to some compactly – why is it that he can go so long without truly connecting?
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I just feel lost and like I’m losing my husband. I do everything I can and do my best.
Should I be concerned? How do I feel okay with this or solve it?