I’m deaf. Was born deaf and then got a cochlear implant which helps me hear well but it is not the same as natural hearing.
It’s so f\*cking lonely. Before you tell me to go and meet other deaf people, hear me out first. I’m a nurse so I get to interact with different people every single day. But that’s strictly business. When it comes to personal chat with colleagues, I’m always left out because no one wants to put in an extra effort to repeat information to me. It’s very isolating.I know sign language. I have engaged with the deaf community but sometimes it can be toxic. The deaf community is very, very small which means you get to know everything about each other. Not to mention that if you have some hearing devices, you are viewed as a social outcast in the deaf community. Since I do have a cochlear implant, I’m not completely deaf in their eyes.
It’s so hard to be deaf in this hearing world. Over the past year I forced myself to go to many social events and made great friends. But it’s also exhausting. Our friendship is not as deep; it just feels superficial. Today I went to an escape room that was organized by one friend. It was impossible for me to participate because everything was moving at a fast pace and the environmental noises made it hard for me to hear human speech.
Even my own family doesn’t treat me like a real human being. I have several siblings who are close with each other. They don’t sign so I’m not always included in family discussions. I’m always left out.
Thanks for listening.