I’ve long since been of the opinion that I’m not a likeable person. Not on purpose but there are times where it just feels like people don’t really want to be around me. As much as I want to say you could be the best juiciest peach but there’s gonna be those people who don’t like peaches, I also can’t help but wonder if, there are so many times where I’ve felt like the least wanted person in the room, then is there perhaps some merit to this?
I’ve been going to therapy for some months now and my therapist says I label myself and can hinder myself with this mindset. I do try to approach situations with an open mind. However, to keep the backstory short, my new boss made a comment last Thursday that inferred I wasn’t a likeable person to be around. I do feel that my boss and I are not really people who would get along normally but this is just something that hit a sore spot for me.
I don’t really have friends. My partner is the only person I hang out with and at times I’ve wondered if it’s only because we’ve been together for so long now that we’re just sort of living together for that with the familiarity of people we know.
I have deepset trauma that I’m only just beginning to explore but no idea how to unpack or move on from. I have a huge fear of being unliked and generally am sensitive to the emotions of others. I’ve always strived to be supportive, but recently my sister said it’s like I have a hero complex and I always have to save the day. To me, I was trying to be helpful. My other sister didn’t feel the same so I do think it’s hard to get a clear picture of how and where to improve.
In the work place, any sort of social functions I’m the odd person on the sidelines not really able to keep a conversation going. I get really nervous with silence and will chatter to try and fill them. I don’t make sexual or rude jokes and find people who do really awkward to be around. My boss is like this. I can be really literal and straight down the line.
I have tired to keep a ask them about themselves mentality while also keeping the conversation going, such as do you have pets? Oh cats, that’s great. I like cats. How many, what are their names? I had a cat a little while back. Have you thought about getting more? I’d love to myself. . . .
If I’m finding something at work to be a tough experience I have recently tried to reach out but find people are not very forcoming with help. Not sure if it’s the approach or the place I work?
I’m not a fan of conflict so would normally ignore it, step back, avoid it. So when I feel uncomfortable or wronged I don’t really do much about it. I’ve recently tried to speak out more.
I do have a lot of uncertainty in my personality. There’s always options and I have trouble picking just one and sticking to just one. As such I have trouble with prioritising and managing my tasks both inside and outside of a work setting.
This post is getting messy so TLDR, where does one start in trying to make themselves more generally likeable?