Just moved to a new place. I’ve stopped drinking, (alcohol was my social lubricant) now I’m finding it extremely hard to loosen up in social situations, I now feel like I’m flat, boring, and awkward, I sound stupid when I speak because I have no practice anymore, I’ve been avoiding going out and making friends because it is so much harder when you’re sober and my efforts tend to fail and therefore deflate me.
To make it even harder, the state I moved to is full of dull, apathetic people that are all closed off and stuck in their little clicks.
I’m becoming more self conscious and it’s getting harder to put myself out there. No one here seems interesting or interested in making friends 😮💨
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For me, anonymous chatting helped me brush up my social skills, using voice chat in video games, visiting chat groups on reddit and “trying ” to stay in touch with my friends helped a lot.
It takes a bit though but thanks to the anonymity of the internet, the bite of a failed social encounter stings much less and makes great practice for IRL ones.
I’m in the same position. I literally can’t build up enough confidence. I hate my life and can’t change my circumstances
If you stopped drinking maybe go to the AA’s.
Sound drastic but hear me out:
I had the same situation with social awkwardness and a feeling of isolation and speaking in front of a group (in group therapy) made it less awkward for me.
Getting social cues and feedback from other people helped me a lot. It’s some sort of training ground for self performance if that makes sense.
It helps to get feedback from people who put themselves also in a vulnerable spot.
And in the process I recognised that I had a lot to talk about, and people where interested in it. With time I felt less awkward.
A lot of it was just in my head – even if it’s still not easy to believe it sometimes.
Hope it helps, all the best!
Honestly I have no idea. I’ve signed up for hobby clubs and they have led to nothing. Don’t even wanna go anymore
Find a few things that really challenge your social awkwardness and take them on – join an acting course, take salsa classes, join a book club… anything that makes you feel awkward. It sounds counterintuitive but the only the way to overcome that thing is to go through that thing. The more you do it, the easier it becomes
How do you jack off as an awkward adult with low testosterone?
Not sure if other people experience this, but the “vibe” of a lot of other people locally is so off-putting and unwelcoming, that it feels almost impossible to comfortably socialize. God forbid you have an alternate opinion of experience, they’ll gang up on you for being different on almost any level that doesn’t gel with their particular worldview.
A lot of the people I’ve tried to be cool with are little gossip mongers and drama queens. Their lives are so boring, they make up things to have conflict about to fill the void of meaning. Like there is an invisible conversational trip wire, that not if but when you cross it, they’ll turn against you.
That is to say, if you live somewhere hyper conservative with a very regimented and myopic view of how/who/how to be, it puts you on danger alert all the time.
I want to move so bad, but everything is so exorbitantly expensive, and I didn’t get the right piece of paper from college or pre-existsing network to be in a better career place.
I’ll literally walk up to a group of people at the bar and say “Hey do you guys mind if I join in?” And start introducing myself to everyone. Works almost every time, and I’ve made some good friends this way. Most people just end up being acquaintances, and we will say hey if we see each other at the bar again and maybe chat a little but it doesn’t become a full-fledged friendship. Try multiple different places, too. If you’re getting coffee and no one is waiting behind you, small talk with the barista. Maybe you find a common interest like biking or hiking or something. Just be honest and say something like “Hey I’m actually new to the area, and I would love to have someone to go do x activity with. I’m trying to make friends in the area.”
The more people you talk to, the more likely you’ll find someone who you vibe with and become friends with.
Come to Spain! ✌️
Work at a sports venue. Part time work so you can fit it in your schedule possibly and when you’re there, you can intentionally work on your social skills with thousands of people. I look at life like a game, where would I go to get the most social xp? Where there’s a shit ton of people that’s where.
I’m the same way. I don’t drink (never have) and it feels like pretty much every social setting revolves around drinking. Idk where to meet people and the things I’m interested in aren’t really good ways to meet people. They’re all solitary things. I don’t really go anywhere other than work and occasionally bookstores and movie theaters. I’m not really interested in most social events and never get invited to anything anyway. Plus when I am in social situations, I’m incredibly awkward and anxious. Making friends feels impossible and I feel like I alternate back and forth between really wanting human connection and enjoying being alone