I want to ask a guy out? I think.

I don’t know what to do

Okay, so sorry if this is long. Also this is a throwaway account since I know both the guy im talking about and a good mutual friend of ours are avid reddit users.

So I (20f) met this guy (20m) that we’ll call Martin freshman year of college. And for a long time he always joked that he had a crush on me and wanted to go out with me and then turns out it was kinda true, anyway so I’m super bad at feelings so I started flirting back in hopes that he would ask me out (At times even straight up saying: “Hey Martin- if you asked me out, I’d say yes”) but because of the joking nature of our relationship it just never wound up working out.

Anyway, some time passes and I think we’ve both moved on and he even starts crushing on another one of our friends which I was supportive of since he’s important to me and I want to see him happy but I’ll admit it hurt, and sometimes he tells me about his hookups and yeah on the inside i get a bit jealous (which i obviously don’t act on cause we’re not together and i dont have the right to be jealous), but Recently things have gotten really flirty between us again and I find myself in a tough position because I really don’t know what I’m feeling.

I’m 20 years old and have never been in a relationship, gone on a date, or even had my first kiss (not for lack of trying, but every time ive ever had a date lined up a freaked out last minute, cancelled, and then ghosted the guy) and I’m really scared. Especially since Martin thinks I have done all those things (when we first met it came up and I thought I was never going to see these people again and I don’t wanna be the loser whose never been kissed so i lied and yeah two years later only one of the people at that party, all of whome are now my best friends in the world, knows tha truth.) I’m confused about what I feel because I’ve never had those experienced. Sometimes I really really wanna kiss him- like so fucking badly, and other times I don’t want him to come near me with a ten foot pole and I don’t know what the hell that means. And I don’t always find myself physically attracted to him which is not the biggest deal in the world (trust me im no prize myself) but I worry that will affect things and cause it to end poorly.

Also Martin’s a really sexual guy, which isn’t an issue in terms of personality but Ive always considered myself on the ace spectrum (but again ive never had those experiences so I dont really feel like I know for sure) and Martin knows I consider myself ace but like Im really worried that something like that could be a deal breakers for him since sex might never be on the table for me. I just don’t know.

I’m really scared and confused about what I’m feeling and I just want some advice.

Tldr; I’ve never been in a relationship before and maybe want to be in one with this guy now but I’m really afraid.