Idk how to move forward socially – I’ve taken classes like “How to win friends” and learned to smile, say their name, talk mostly about them, make eye contact (something that I’m better at but still working on)
I can have nice casual convos with the few folks who let me, but when I go to events or a new worksite there are more people than not who look at me and walk away, or if I’m trying to introduce myself get a condescending look on their face like “don’t talk to me” so I wrap up and just sit and stand there while they meet someone else with joy
I take care of my appearance, don’t smell bad, am a little overweight but not much
And I’ve done some really impressive things and had some crazy life experiences that once people find out about all the sudden they want to get to know me better or they think I’ll make them look good, but since I never get far enough in conversation to bring it up, unless I’m being introduced I get the “leave us alone loser” treatment
And then, honestly, when I’ve been at a conference for 2 days trying to make friends and people ignore me, then day 3 they find out what I’ve done and want to treat me nice I no longer want to be their friend because I can’t get past how they treated me when they thought I was a nobody
Those who move beyond casual conversations tend to devolve into criticizing what I say and do, and that’s not fun. Especially when others in the group chats get praised (often for foolish decisions) so then I don’t want to participate (but if I don’t participate, I’ll never build deep relationships)
And that’s where I am. No deep relationships. This came to light during an assignment where I was to ask someone who knew me well and cared for me. I had no one. Estranged from what family is still alive. No deep friends.
Twice I hired counselors to help me stop doing whatever it is that turns people off. I’m not a slug – I’ve written books, did some things you’ve seen on tv, and I don’t ask for a lot. Both said nothings wrong with you, stop playing small and be yourself
I don’t think anything’s actually wrong with me, but that doesn’t change the fact that more people move away from me than toward me, and if I want friends, I need to learn why that is and change
Has anyone here been in a similar position and, if so, how did you make your life better?
Edit to add: it’s not quite “social anxiety” yet, but I can sense anxiety growing when I go to a new worksite and try to meet new people, like, “don’t blow this! But how can I not blow it when I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong?!”