There’s this \[27M\] whom I \[24F\] have liked for over half a year. We both do muay thai, he is also a trainer. On Xmas party we kind of talked more, my feelings for him grew, but unfortunately a week after I found out he’s got a long time GF (about 8 years, around his age). I don’t know her personally, I only found her profile on FB. After learning that I tried my best and shut down my feelings for him (mostly physical attraction but also more).
On 15th March our muay thai gym had organized a party, going out together for drinks. At first me and him didn’t even say hi to each other, then out of nowhere he came over, we spent most of our time there together talking and asking each other questions, he remembered stuff about me, people were giving us looks and asked us if we’re together. I didn’t dare to hope for anything at the time.
After leaving the restaurant, we went to a club, a fight happened, guys got kicked out and we followed them. He was pissed, started drinking more. I wanted to go home but he just wouldn’t let me go, so I decided to walk him home. On our way he said he needs to sit down, in that moment he pulled me to him. My silly arse started to think I might have a chance. He was really in awe of me because I’m his gf’s opposite lookswise (short and curvier, younger, slimmer). He asked about what kind of guys I like and such… After an hour of cuddling, he asked for a kiss, we spent another hour kissing and he touched me both over and under clothes. He complimented my kissing (those kisses were my first real kisses, sad I know). Anyway, things started to get more heated and he wanted to sleep with me. I told him I don’t wish to be just a fling and that he should be with his gf at home instead out in the cold with me, he said the original line “relationships are hard”.
I didn’t even give him a proper farewell kiss. I’m kind of sad? that I didn’t sleep with him to know if I’m missing out on something because right now I am just hurting… I was silly to think he’d leave his gf for me. Before I left he told me to text him, I told him to add me first if he’s interested, he did add me after sobering up and texted me.
He told me he’s got to deal with his conscience — him not telling anything his gf is the result and he asked me to be discreet. “I don’t wish to jeopardize anything I’ve got at home at the moment” “We should take this as sportsmen” “Stay positive” were the lines he used when he called me on Sunday the 17th, two hours long call. He also told me that I’ve told him a lot? I was quite honest about what I want and that I’m interested in him. Why is that bad? I’m the one having to deal with rejection. All I could do was to accept it, what I don’t understand is why did he try to keep on texting for a over a week? I was giving him one worded replies and even tried to leave him on seen to make it easier for him, but he kept on texting “casual stuff”. Then out of nowhere he stopped texting a week ago, left me on seen on no particular topic ever since.
I def. correctly assume he just wants to move past it. OK, he isn’t interested, he’s taken. Nothing else can be done here.
Days later, I’ve learned he’s building a house with his girlfriend and even if their relationship may be having highs and lows, that’s simply a huge commitment these days. Maybe he’d be interested if that wasn’t the case OR maybe he was simply too drunk wishing to get some but got none but stayed there with me anyway??? I’m repeating myself I apologize. I’m not sure if this is his first “accident” of this sort or whether he’s a cheater. Either could be true.
I got some questions:
\- Why was he there with me for almost 3 hours if he didn’t get some?
\- Why call me for this long and tell me I’m symphatetic if he wasn’t interested? smh
\- He’s decided to stay with his gf, was he then just texting me to make sure I don’t tell? or out of pity? or why?
\- Should I tell his GF? — I cannot stop thinking about this incident, I want to be OK again and I think that the girl should know what kind of BF she’s got. He may truly regret it – or not… despite that she still should know about it and do whatever she feels like doing with this info. This IS cheating after all, but honestly I am worried it will cause more drama and I may end up having to leave the gym (it’s the only hobby I’ve got left).
I know I am guilty too, but still… I’m single, he is the taken one who wanted to have fun, had some of it, I ended up hurt, his gf doesn’t know what happened and probably never will and they will get to live their happily ever after.
Cheaters shouldn’t be able to do whatever they please without consequences. I truly believe that. At the same time I want to move past this, I haven’t been able to think of anything else ever since the incident and everything is boring, I am depressed. I want to be OK again and be capable of meeting him in the gym without feeling so broken. I don’t want to feel like this and for him to be the reason if he doesn’t want me.
I also know I may be making a big deal about all of this, but this is simply how I feel.
TL;DR! Should I tell my crush’s \[27M\] GF that he cheated on her with me (no actual sex) \[24F\] or just leave it be to end the drama and try to move on?