I (F25) still miss my ex (M27) advice? (Read below)

A year ago my ex boyfriend beat me up so badly that I landed my self in the emergency room with bruised ribs, a broken nose, and a concussion. I was barely recognizable after the beating. He was only in jail for a month, he’s now a violent offender and is on a 3 year suspended sentence. I also have an order of protection against him until 2028. Anyway I know I can’t talk to him at all not only cause of the restraining order, but it would be dangerous to see him and just downright stupid. But I still find my self missing him a lot some days and it makes me really sad. The trauma that it caused is very severe and I still have nightmares about it. Some days i don’t think about it, other days i feel like I hate him, but today i found myself missing him like crazy. Is there anyone that can relate to this type of situation and what did you do to cope?