I have this friend who I’ve been hanging out with. Things have been getting serious between her and myself… And I really do like her. We’re becoming very intimate. We hug, we kiss, we’re essentially boyfriend and girlfriend without the label.
But there’s this one thing that keeps gnawing at me: I’ve been blown off by her without explanation twice now.
Everything else has been perfect. But whenever this happens I just can’t seem to shake it off whenever she just doesn’t show up. She’s sweet, kind, compassionate, and a great listener. And I can tell we genuinely enjoy each other’s company!
But this really irks me…
The first time was a few weeks ago. We were meant to catch up (I had taken the day off work to make our schedules work). We had planned it a week in advance.
And then at 11 PM the night before we were meant to catch up I got bombarded by her with messages acting all sweet and guilty and letting me know that she would now be busy at 10 AM (the time we were meant to catch up) but that she’ll be available at 8 PM to hang instead (a full 10 hours after what we had mutually agreed on).
We didn’t end up going on our date. And it annoyed me that she just assumed that this would be okay — like I was an afterthought.
But it just really got to me. I know her and her family enough to know there was no emergency or crisis, and if there were, she likely just would have used it as it would have been an excellent excuse to postpone our date.
Deep down I knew she had bailed on me for someone else (I just don’t know why).
But I wasn’t happy and I think she could tell because she just kept being overly apologetic for the entire day and insisted we reschedule for the following week (and we caught up) and it was great.
So great in fact that I was happy to put the whole ordeal out of my mind…
She kept apologizing on the day (but still didn’t bother to provide an explanation or elaborate other than that she was REALLY sorry).
To her credit, she did seem genuinely remorseful and ashamed so I was happy to write it off as a one-time thing. But the lack of an explanation did seem really suspicious (like she knew whatever the reason was really wasn’t a good one).
Because an honest person would just tell you without being prompted (especially when they’ve inconvenienced you).
“I am SO sorry. But I had to rush my mother to the hospital” something like that to put your mind at ease. But I wasn’t given any explanation or clarification and that hurt me.
But otherwise it was a good day…
Since then we’ve been getting closer and closer (messaging daily, calls that last throughout the night).
This last week however, we’ve both been been busy and haven’t had a lot of time for each other like we normally do…
The physical distance is personally making me feel more distant from her (and I’ve communicated this with her).
We both admitted two nights ago that we’ve desperately missed each other (and it’s making us both feel funny).
And she asked me if we could please call tomorrow night to help close that distance in the short term until next week (and we were going to stream a movie together in call and make a whole evening of it). “Friday night movie night” she dubbed it.
I again cleared my evening schedule for her and she just never showed up…
Ended up getting responses from her at 2 AM when I was asleep that completely danced around the whole evening we planned (so again no explanation).
Just a bunch of cheery replies to unrelated messages I had left her throughout the day. But unlike last time, not even an acknowledgement of what she had done.
At this point I kind of feel gaslit. Are we on the same plane or reality?… Did we not just agree the night before to have an evening together?… You made a big song & dance about it and now not so much as a mention of it to tonight as you reply to me while I’m asleep…
Almost like she was blissfully unaware we had an evening planned (an evening she had planned and suggested herself).
Now I just feel lousy and miserable like she doesn’t consider me.
And I’m not sure if I’m just being overly dramatic and sensitive. But her upbeat 2 AM offliners from last night just cut all the deeper because of it. Because when your words don’t align with your actions it just makes you seem insincere and patronizing.
Where are you?? And why are you acting like we didn’t have a night planned?
It just makes me feel uneasy and restless and like a joke.
It’s just making me feel even more distant and I just feel like not giving her any energy back. I no longer want to respond to her until she owns up to this and addresses this directly if of her own volition.
I always respond within the day, so if I don’t respond within the next few hours she will likely assume I am angry and ignoring her (even if I tell her I was busy).
Would that be immature of me? If so how should I broach this situation?…
I feel like I’ve done my bit by letting her know how I feel and she’s acknowledged it but then continued with the same behavior.
I feel like I will just be mean and nasty if I talk to her right now so I’m not sure what to do…
Am I being extra?… Any advice would be welcome.