I just cut off a toxic on and off relationship with my ex that lasted way longer than it should’ve. Needed a therapist to guide me and all. During the off times though I wasn’t finding any connections while dating. The women either weren’t attractive to me or if they were then their personalities weren’t great. I don’t want to attribute anything to fate or a spark but it’d be nice to encounter some reassurance but there has been none. I know that’s life but are most relationships just people settling with someone they’re not thrilled about? I’m pretty lonely too as I don’t have a huge social circle / friend group. I go out with friends and stuff but it’s not an intimate true bond. The current girl I’m seeing keeps insisting to not use condoms and she’s not even on birth control which is a red flag. I’m 30 now and honestly feel like I’m past the prime of my youth. Still young enough to have kids but too old to have that near limitless energy to raise them. This is all coming to a great shock and disappointment to me as I realized I’m miserable in my current job. I make good money as an electrical engineer but it’s not in a field I’m interested in and the culture sucks. Had the epiphany after breaking things off with my ex. Life’s passing by so fast too. I’m just a humble first gen kid who came to success from my parents values. My great fear is that they’ll pass soon without ever knowing their grandkids. Life’s just sucking and I wish I could have a speckle of hope.