Hi all!
I need some advice.
Around six months ago, I found myself sort of kicked out of my friend group, made up of 7-8 guys around mid-late 20s. It was a bit weird, and it turns out a couple of guys, for whatever reason, stopped liking me. One of them actually was a “alpha male squad leader”, while second took the chance to become the “organizer” and formed his own clique, excluding me. They organized hangouts outside of our group chat, and I wasn’t invited or even aware of them. Bumping into them at the pub without knowing they are actually there felt pretty awkward.
Initially, I was upset with all of them, but as time went on, I realized it’s important not to assume everyone in the group feels the same way. Some might just passively participate in those gatherings but have no issue with me personally. So, I decided to give other guys in the group a chance, and it turns out we get along well. Over time, we formed our own small group, with a our group chat, and things have been going great. Yeah, someone might mention a word or two about them as friends who didn’t stand by me back in the days when this clique without me was formed, but I’ve come to realize that people often just go with the flow.
Now, several months later, it seems like the initial clique that excluded me has fallen apart somehow. One of the guys who pushed me out keeps bothering in the old group chat, inviting us to hangouts almost daily. Most of the time, barely one person might respond to his invitations. He’s inviting us, sending memes, putting in a lot of effort to engage people. But aside from that, noticed that with the dissolution of this “exclusive clique”, some people generally tend to initiate communication about hanging out in the old chat.
And here’s my dilemma: should I attend hangouts planned within the old group, whether organized by those people with whom I get along, or by one of those ex-buddies? Alternatively, should I stick to making plans and hanging out with the “new” group in our separate chat? I haven’t actively participated in the old chat since I realized I was excluded, but I still follow notifications.
I find those ex-buddys guys a bit slimy and not worth my time, and I have no strong desire to include them in my plans or plans made in “new group”. However, I’m not sure of the best way to handle this, considering the group tends to go with the flow. I understand that other guys have no problem to hang out with all of us, which is, maybe, not my case. But I don’t want to create drama, become an outsider, or seem like I’m boycotting in a butthurt manner.
On the other hand, I don’t want to miss out on potential plans for clubbing or pub runs if a few people are up for it. Especially if it involves guys from my “new” clique. On the other hand, I can’t veto their intention to call out people they consider as members of this one bigger group.
Any advice on how to approach this in a mature way? I’m unsure whether I should just be relaxed in the presence of those ex-buddies, like nothing happened, or completely ignore invites from them or invites that include them. In those settings like hanging out as a group, do I even have to consider myself as an attendee?