For many years I have felt a huge desire for deeper friendships. I want the kind of friend(s) I can casually call up, or go to their place for coffee, or go grocery shopping together.
Problem is I feel super weird around people 1:1. I always feel like it’s awkward, and even when I push myself to do it a few times, I don’t feel it improves.
After a couple times hanging out I feel like the other person picks up on my awkwardness and tension, and then they don’t continue to pursue that kind of friendship with me.
Yesterday I got asked by not one, but 2 women I hold in high regard to hang out. One asked me to go to yoga tonight. And one asked me to go on a trip with them in June.
Sounds great! Catch is, I feel so scared of the impending (and what feels like inevitable) awkwardness and uncomfortableness I bring to the situation, my instinct and gut desire is to say no…
I have done this in the past, declined invites I should accept. And i am starting to realize I won’t get what I want (friendship) if I say no every time I’m given an opportunity….
But it’s hard. And I’m scared of screwing shit up.