I 30F messed up big time and unintentionally hurt my partner 32M, how can I rectify?
Basically I’ve been neglecting my own needs regarding intimacy (I like to finish during intimate acts but I am almost always left high and dry after he finishes and ends sex) .
Sex will start with me getting him hard then him asking for penetration resulting in him finishing then sex ending. This is where I neglect my needs by not insisting on him making me cum (should I have to?) He will almost never initiate foreplay for me, it’s something I asked for once and he responded by saying ‘don’t direct me, this isn’t my first time.. I know what I’m doing’
My lack of sexual satisfaction has been building and growing into resentment so I thought it would be a good idea to have a conversation with him about it. All I wanted was for him to start initiating giving me pleasure too and making sure I cum during intimacy too such as by fingering me before penetration to make me cum first since I have no refectory period . Sex is over too quickly for me to even get close to finishing.
I spoke from a place of emotion therefore was unable to clearly articulate my true feelings and point of view so this is one place where I messed up. I started by saying ‘I feel as though my sexual satisfaction is unimportant’ and he asked me to elaborate so I added that I would like to change how we have sex by him fingering me first so I finish then us moving to penetration so he can finish and that way I’ll be satisfied. He asked why I felt like my satisfaction was unimportant and was surprised that I felt as though sex was one sided. But he knows that I don’t finish since it’s very physically obvious when I do. I also said that I give him bj’s but then that’s it, I infrequently receive.
He became silent then stepped out of the room for about ten mins to recollect himself, and returned to discuss further, he was deeply hurt by what I said so I felt absolutely horrible. I made sure to clarify that I never intended to hurt him and that i still very much enjoy sex with him but I’d just like to cum too, that’s all.
Now he’s said that it’s something that’ll eat away at him and he needs to be careful not to spiral. So clearly I’ve hurt his ego and given him an insecurity which I feel absolutely awful about. Never was my intention. I messed up big time with trying to communicate my needs and ended up hurting him.
I should never have brought this up, I hate myself for it. How can I help him to feel better?
Tl;dr
I communicated my lack of sexual satisfaction to my partner and damaged his ego, now I feel awful about myself.