I’ve been with my partner for 1 1/12 year(s)/13 months and we have grown distant. I’ll also state that we are fairly young and I have a multitude of mental issues. Our relationship has gotten to the point where it feels like a chore to talk. Most of that is because of my mood swings but I can tell that they just aren’t very interested in me anymore. (well, I don’t know if they feel that way. I have very bad self-esteem issues so it could just be in my head.) I think that we have just become too distracted with other things and it causes us to ignore each other but at the same time, we have a ton of free time. Or at least I do. It’s gotten so bad to the point that my friends will ask if we’re even still together. I guess the whole relationship was my fault, I initiated it because I got attached way too quickly and they went along with it. I don’t even know if they love me. We started dating around two weeks of knowing each other and we only knew each other from playing video games together. Not very romantic, I know. But after that, everything was fast-paced. (I just want to say that there’s no crazy age gap. It’s only a few months between us.) But anyway, the beginning of the relationship was very fast. It got to a point where I would take ‘suggestive’ pictures for them and their praise would make me feel better about myself. So, that continued for a while and I got into a dark headspace. I eventually relapsed and I told them. But they only knew that I had done drugs and drank alcohol. And that’s what it was the first time. But it happened again and it was self-harm, I ended up not telling them because it made me feel guilty. I’ve had a really hard time feeling comfortable around people and I have really bad issues with vulnerability. My relapsing into self-harm made me feel disgusting and insecure so I stopped sending them pictures, and their praise eventually stopped too. Mostly because I started getting more standoffish though, I thought that if they knew then that they would berate me and look down at me for relapsing. Everything continued and we slowly stopped talking more and more, only sending funny videos on social media every once in a while. To try and fill the gap of some loneliness I bought a computer. I told my partner and they said that they could put me on a server with their friends and we could play video games together. I overall liked the idea and agreed, wanting to spend more time with them. Even if it meant it was with other people too. So, we played on one a couple of days ago and it went fine, we chatted a bit and played a little. I still need some things for my computer so I wasn’t very good at anything. They told me that I should just play whenever I got all of my things. It made me a little disappointed that they weren’t very keen on playing with me at that time, though I understand. Anyways, so recently (2-now days) I saw an Instagram username on my suggested with their name in it. I clicked on it and it only had one following and no followers, which I found weird since they usually tell me their usernames. So out of curiosity, I clicked on it and it was an account of some girl who posted only fan content. I was very disappointed, not just because of the content but also because it just looked straight-up trash. I ended up having a few breakdowns because I don’t think my partner finds me attractive or very interesting in general. I do not talk much because I hate the sound of my voice and I’m constantly berating myself in my head because I’m annoying. (off track again.) But anyway, I don’t think they find me interesting, should I just send them a text and ask if they still love me or should I ask if they have been wanting to break up???? Idk what to do.