I can’t tell anyone in my life about this, I don’t talk to my friends about sexual stuff, but I don’t want to keep marinating in my thoughts about it alone. I’m a 19 year old woman. I’m a virgin, I’ve never even kissed before this. I met this guy online on a dating app, he was 21 and he went to a nearby college, I liked that so I wouldn’t have to see him again if it went bad. We talked about the things I wanted to try; grinding, kissing, oral, and he was really respectful about it. When we met we started with some cuddling which felt ok, not as nice as I expected but I wanted to keep going. We started kissing and I immediately hated it. Underneath his tongue felt so nasty and his breath was gross. I kept going because I thought it would get better, it didn’t. He started touching my boobs which again felt ok but not as nice as I expected. Then he started pinching my nipples which hurt like shit but I was too nervous to tell him to stop. He spread my pussy with his hands and it just hurt. I was super dry, I thought that would change over time but it didn’t. I just didn’t say anything. I asked him to eat me out and he licked my clit TWICE before he went back to violently rubbing it. I wanted to kick him out right there if I’m being completely honest. I asked if I could try to suck him off and he agreed to it. I enjoyed that which was nice but I couldn’t tell if I was doing it right. He didn’t say anything just awkward giggles and the occasional moan. So I’m overthinking like is he laughing because I’m horrible at it? Then I tried grinding on him which was just uncomfortable since I was still dry and I hurt my groin making the stretch across his legs. We ran out of time because my roommate was coming back soon and I was relieved. I haven’t reached out to him and he hasn’t reached out to me since. It’s been 4 days. I’m still overthinking it. Is something wrong with me? Is that why I didn’t get wet? Is that why he didn’t want to eat me out? I feel like I wasted my time and kicked my roommate out for nothing. Is it me? Is it him? Both? How can I make next time with the next guy not suck?