if anyone disagrees with this being wrong please explain your perspective too.
he’s a very easily jealous person and throughout our relationship has acted in a way that has resulted in me feeling guilty for being anything but rude to any guy. within the first maybe few months of the relationship i completely cut off all my male friends after him telling me he’s uncomfortable with them being my friends (they were all classmates) which i now realise i shouldn’t have but it started an idea between us that i can only speak to girls and “what interest would i have speaking to guys?”.. once, a couple years ago, i brought up it being wrong and he said things like, “go make male friends if u feel like ur missing out”. and then days later had a new female friend in college, yet to this day i’m uncomfortable being nice to guys for my boyfriends sake so still only rlly associate with girls.
meeting his friends before he met the college friend never really came up as they were all guys and given the circumstances- why would i ask to, and why would he offer? but then he met the girl from college (the group was her, my bf and two other guys that he’d known for years). meeting her came up at times because she would bring me up, but it never happened and i couldn’t really tell you why, they would go out and do things but i don’t think i was ever invited. mind you the girl invited her bf to the college a few times and he chilled w them. my bf has never liked the idea of me going to his secondary school, college or uni.. anyway us meeting was kind of pending the whole time they were friends and then she cut them all off and found new friends for some reason.
fast forward to now, his friend group includes two girls and one other guy (4 of them). (i’m also not currently in education so i can’t go do the same thing). he’s very very against me meeting them, he says he just doesn’t see a need. he’s also not at all interested in meeting my friends although i’ve suggested it many times. one time i did briefly meet these three friends at a train station where i was meeting my bf, he had just come back from uni with them. i was ready to say hi to the two girls but neither of them said a word and just said bye to my bf, quite weirdly as well lol (they shook hands?? at the same time and his arms were crossed over if that makes sense) and then the guy didn’t say hi either. when walking away i was wondering why the girls didn’t want to greet me and asked him why no one said hi. he had the guy friend in mind and told me “idk i guess just out of respect for me”, so it’s respectful to not say hi to ur close friends girlfriend?
its all just very weird, it’s like i’m just separate and hidden away but not really hidden away. all of his friends know about me, i’ve met most of his family. i can’t imagine it’s a cheating thing, his morals wouldn’t allow him surely. but then on the other hand he’s falsely accused me of cheating countless times :/
we had a brief conversation on this topic in the past, i asked him why he’s so against me meeting his friends. he told me basically that the same way he doesn’t mix two friend groups is the same way he wouldn’t mix his relationship with his social life, that i’m a separate part of his life, and he just doesn’t see the need of us all meeting. it’s so upsetting to me to hear that he would prefer to completely separate me from his social life. and the only thing that i’m jealous of the two girls for is the fact that they have a friendship connection with him and enjoy spending time together, always joking and laughing.. but i feel like that connection is something that we lack and that he doesn’t have an interest in having. i don’t think he sees me as a friend, a partner, a girlfriend- i think he just sees me as a girlfriend with girlfriend duties such as sex, and “boring” stuff like communication, deep, serious conversations etc. don’t get me wrong we do cuddle and spend time together, there’s times where we laugh and joke but i feel that it’s just not the same and it’s not that connection.
i know that i hate the fact that were separated from each others social lives and i’ve seen a few people say that it’s concerning here and there. but i can’t particularly grasp why exactly it’s concerning and how i could explain to him why it’s wrong, and why this isn’t how a partnership (we’re Christian) is meant to be. i feel like if i were to tell him to look around, look at research, articles etc. he would only tell me “not every relationship is the same, they can merge social lives if they want that’s their relationship” and so on. i just don’t know what to do about it and the connection thing has been really getting to me, he always has funny stories to tell from being around these friends and i feel like an excluded, boring part of his life- it’s making me feel that he doesn’t love me, or that he “loves me” but doesn’t like me. has anyone got advice on how i could talk to him about all of this? or any opinions on the matter? is it concerning or is it just people’s differences?
tldr:
due to his jealousy and protectiveness, the relationship dynamic is me strictly speaking to girls to the point that i’ve become uncomfortable not being rude to guys. i once mentioned it being wrong for him to control who i can associate with so he told me to do what i want and had made a female friend in college within a couple days. he’s now in uni and hangs with two girls and one other guy. he’s v against me meeting them and i just happened to never meet the college friend. he’s uninterested in meeting my friends too. he says the reason he doesn’t want us mixing social lives is that he doesn’t see a need, doesn’t tend to mix friend groups so in the same way doesn’t want to mix his relationship life w his social life and that i’m just a “separate part of his life”. which was very upsetting to hear. i have met most of his family and all his friends know of me so im sure it’s not him cheating. i also feel that we lack the foundational friendship connection which he has with his friends, this makes me worried that he doesn’t really love me or “loves me” but doesn’t like me. it all feels wrong but i can’t grasp exactly how or why it’s concerning, or is it just a matter of people’s differences and i should just live with it?