One of my dearest friends is called Leo. Leo and I have been close friends for a few years now. We’re both single, and our friendship in many ways kind of fills the gap of not being in a relationship. By that I mean: we keep each other updated on life events, use each other for emotional support, etc. We talk every day.
My friend is very much polyamorous. I am very much not. She is very touchy-feely with her friends, but especially so with me. Since we are both single, I generally don’t mind, and actually quite enjoy it. Besides that, we have slept together a few times over the years. She has slept with most of my friends as well. I have sometimes been a little jealous, but nothing serious and it hasn’t affected the friendship. I am pretty sure this will all change when I enter a relationship again, but right now it’s nice.
Leo has recently moved away but comes back often to experience the nightlife. She usually crashes at my place. We’ve slept together once and just cuddled other times. A few days ago – we were all quite drunk – she was hitting on someone else, which wasn’t working out, and she came over to me and cuddled up to me. As the night progressed she ended up talking to the guy again and they ended up hooking up. Next day Leo called me and asked me if I minded that she had bailed on me. I told her I didn’t, even though I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Obviously, to some extent, I do mind. Otherwise I would not be writing this post. I feel like I have led myself be led into a friendship which is more polyamorous in nature than suits me. I think I need to communicate the fact that having her flirt with me and then with someone else makes me feel pretty jealous. If I don’t, I’m pretty sure some resentment will build up, which would just suck for everyone involved.
I feel like the best way forward is to communicate that I don’t want her to be so touchy-feely with me at parties (or maybe in general?), because it will make me become jealous when she ends up flirting with someone else. At the same time, I generally very much enjoy our physical contact and I don’t really want to miss out on that. Ideally I would want her to hit on *me* exclusively when we are together, which I doubt is something she would not agree to. (Not just with me, but with anyone).
I should note that I am not truly seeking to establish a relationship with her. For one, I know we are incompatible because she’s polyamorous, but I also feel like in other ways she’s not what I look for in a potential spouse.
I am looking for advice on what to do. Do I put down boundaries? Should I tell her I want our friendship to be less flirty? Or do I just accept that I will feel a little jealous at times, and consider it a reasonable cost for occasionally getting laid?