TLDR: I feel uncomfortable about my bf touching himself down there while watching tv.
For reference we have been together about 5 years now. We’ve had some problems in the past regarding boundaries and respect and I understand this could be playing into my feelings on this. I feel ridiculous and embarrassed to even type this out, but wanted to get some outside perspective on the situation. Please don’t hesitate to call me out if you think I’m just being ridiculous because I’d much rather that be the case here.
I’ve noticed that he’s constantly touching his junk, more than what I would consider a “normal” amount. I know that guys do this a lot and it could be for any number of reasons like adjusting, scratching, etc. At first I thought it was something like that and I didn’t think much of it, but it’s become so frequent lately that it’s been making me feel uncomfortable. He will have his entire hand down his pants holding himself down there while watching tv with me right next to him. I can feel and see him moving his hand around, not like he’s vigorously jacking off or anything but more like occasional rubbing and squeezing. It also doesn’t help that he seems uninterested in watching anything that doesn’t involve an attractive woman on the screen. He doesn’t do it when we watch documentaries or cartoons with no kind of “sexy” visual stimulation. We’ve been together a while now, we have watched a LOT of tv together. I honestly worry he is doing what I think he’s doing.
It seems like he knows when I notice it because he will cover his legs with a blanket and leave his hands down there or he’ll take them out when he sees me looking and then go right back after. There was an argument we had a few years ago, I felt like he was getting off to women on tv during our intimate times. He would initiate sex with me, then interrupt to put something on tv so his tinnitus wouldn’t make his ears ring, but he wouldn’t just play anything he would sit there and scroll around and that annoyed me because why should it matter what’s on tv? I blew up on him one day after I opened my eyes while we’re kissing and saw his eyes glued to the screen as he’s touching me down there. I know I didn’t handle it in the calmest way, but I essentially told him what he did that bothered me and how it made me feel. He told me I was crazy for even thinking that and that it wasn’t what he was doing. Then told me I wasn’t initiating enough and that he doesn’t feel wanted. I want to be understanding if I made him feel unwanted, but it’s frustrating that he decided to bring that up right after invalidating my feelings and making me feel crazy. It also felt like an indirect admission of guilt, like he was giving me a reason for it.
I’m aware I don’t initiate much and am trying to work on that, but I don’t believe our relationship lacks intimacy. We have sex multiple times a week, tons of cuddling, kissing, massages, play fighting, and are always touching each other in some way or other. Physical touch is our main love language and we are both constantly reaching for each other. I’ve turned down sex one time the entire time we’ve been together, other than that I’ve alway been down and eager to please anytime he’s in the mood because I genuinely enjoy it.
I wonder if he’s become so comfortable that he thinks it’s ok to “play” with himself right in front of me. If that’s what he’s doing I’m not ok with it. I don’t really care what he does on his own time to get himself off, unless it’s something I should be concerned about I just don’t want to know about it. Doing it in front of me is disrespectful especially knowing I wouldn’t like it. I believe if I bring it up he’ll absolutely deny it and make me feel crazy. I’m also aware of the real possibility that I am being crazy. Sorry this post turned out to be so long, I’ll probably end up deleting it later. I just want some outsider opinions on this because I can see both sides of it. I want him to feel comfortable being himself around me, but I draw the line at sexually stimulating himself to other women, even if it’s just on tv.