No genuine friends in late 20’s

10 comments

1. I totally get where you’re coming from. It feels as everyone else has these picture-perfect friendships, especially when you’re bombarded with it online. But the reality is, many people struggle with finding genuine connections, especially as they get older and life gets busier. It’s okay to feel like an outlier sometimes. The important thing is to focus on nurturing the friendships you do have and being open to new connections.

2. Describe what you classify as “genuine”

3. I get how you feel. It is hard after high school/college to make friends. I didnt have much friends after college and I really had to work hard to get some. Im from a big family with alot of cousins so outside of family I barely had much friends. I ended up moving away and it helped me push myself to make new friends and now i have many good friends and the best friend group i’ve had since high school. Here is what I did and what I recommend:

   -Try many events and join teams/hobbies (meetup app). One big thing for me was I didnt join as much extra-curricular things in college and past college. I tried but I just didnt find my group so I gave up on it easily. When I moved, I joined everything and went to every meetup event. Meetup is an app like facebook events but better. It is designed for people to meet new people. It is very reliant on big cities though as the groups are self created. It will tell you how many people signed up for an event and show you the “guestlist” which is nice because you can get an idea of what the age range will be. Usually for most events 50% of signups actually show up. So if 50 people signed up, expect 25 to show up (sometimes less sometimes more). These events are nice becaue you know everyone there is looking to meet people and it becomes easier to just approach someone. I’d try to talk to everyone. When I got there I had to force myself to be social and it made me better socially. I can approach strangersvery easily right now which is something I just couldnt do years ago. Just beware It took some time for me to find a group that I felt like fit with me but I got there. So dont give up because you didnt find your group right away. Making friends is all about trial and error and not putting all your eggs in the same basket.

   -Make plans and ask people to join: this was something I just never did before I moved away. What I’ve noticed from people is that nobody likes making plans, which makes sense because making plans suck. Usually in most groups there’s 1-2 people actually making efforts in getting the group togethe, while everyone else just waits to get invited. It sucks but I had to learn that if I wanted friends I may have to be that person for some time at least. I started inviting friends to have nights out, watch the game, go out as a group to bars, etc. If you hear about something let people know as well. People will then want to invite you to more places. If your firends hear about something theyll send you a quick text. But be warned, being the one bringing everyone together can be draining. People expect you to always invite and if they dont get the invite then you are the one that gets blamed. Most people are cool about it but some get a little annoying and selfish about it. You might run into needy people. Where if they find out you were at an event and didnt invite them, they feel like its a personal attack on you. So if you run into these selfish people, dont feel the need to become the person that is responsible for other peoples social life. Call them out too. Do not entertain needy people.

   -It’s ok to text or ask people what their plans are and even ask if you dont mind them joining: I really struggled with this one because I never wanted to be the person that asked to join something or that invited myself to an event. Honestly this was all in my head. If the weekend is coming up and I have no plans, Ill literally text people and ask about any events happening. Or if Im talking to a friend towards the end of the work week ill just ask what his/her weekend plans are. One night most of my friends were out of town, my GF was having a girls night and I was extremely bored after work. I wsnt interested in going out to the bars that weekend but I texted one of my bar friends who I knew was in town. He told me he was playing pickleball with some of his friends that night and that he would let me know if they did anything afterwards. IN the past I would just be like “ok” and basically wait for his text if nothing else came up. But I just sent him a text saying “I have a paddle and ball, if you guys dont mind me joining id be down to play”. He sent me the details and we had a good night. Just be forward about wanting to join things. Dont assume because you werent invited that you arent wanted. Again alot of people like getting invited but dont do much inviting. Also if someone gets invited to an event, they arent sure if they should b inviting others to events that they did not plan so they dont mention it. If you ask “hey does the person who invited you mind if I join”. The worse you can get is a “he/she does mind” which is ok, but in my experience most of the time the person just asks the host and the host usually says it’s ok

4. Go volunteer at a nonprofit. You’ll meet some good people.

5. “No genuine friends”

   “I have a handful of close friends”

   Which is it?

6. I’ve naturally drifted apart from many friends in my late 20’s. There’s lots of genuine friendships and relationship, I used think that too but turns out I was just a negative thinker.

7. Call (888)330-4256 if you have advice on how to meet new friends in your 30’s

8. I have 1

9. You cannot make genuine new friends after college. People you meet after college are all too varied and in different stages in life than people you meet in school (who are all the same age with the same goal of graduating, on top of the fact you basically see each other everyday and spend a lot of time together trying to get through school).

   You literally cannot become friends with people just because you hang out with them over food a couple of times or do some things together every few weeks or what not. I am not talking about hang out buddies or people you do things with, and I am talking about deeper friendships where you can have deep conversations with.

   The only true genuine friend you can foster after college is your girl/boyfriend or person you marry or are dating over a long period of time.

   I am in my thirties after getting rid of all my twenties friends (because I realized they are all a waste of time and were not good for me in any way shape or form) and now my only friend is the person I am married to. Honestly, that is and should be enough.

10. I was in one friend group like that where everything seemed sweet on the inside, and I got sick of this “mean girl” clique. It was super fake and immature, so I left the group.

    Now I met new people and I am satisfied. I don’t see friendships as end all be all like before.