I have a podcast and YouTube channel about communication. One of the biggest things people ask about is becoming a more confident speaker. I’ve been using this list as a free resource for my email newsletter but I wanted to share it here:
1. START WITH A GOAL – turning your thoughts into words is like shooting an arrow at a target. You have to know what you’re aiming at. Here are some example goals: inform, entertain, reflect, narrate, and convince.
2. HAVE A WHY – peel the layer back behind your goal to reveal your reasoning. This will give you the fuel to push beyond social awkwardness or discomfort. Answer these questions to find your WHY: why am I talking to this specific person? why do I want this specific outcome? why am I wanting to get better socially? why now and not tomorrow or next week?
3. FEAR THE RIGHT THING – fears you should unsubscribe from: awkwardness, embarrassment, pausing, or stuttering. Fears you should subscribe to: not adding value, being distracted, being incoherent, or not keeping things simple.
4. MAKE ROOM FOR THOUGHT: You’re not in a movie, there won’t be a perfect script. Give yourself grace and don’t beat yourself up if you feel speechless.
5. BE ADAPTABLE: Humans are unpredictable, relationships are hard, and emotions are real. But you’re better off to play the game than be alone, regretful, and unspoken for.
6. STUDY OFTEN: Hindsight is 20/20, someone else’s experience is free. Replace “I should have” thoughts with “next time I will” thoughts. Here are four things you can learn from others: How do they start convo? How do they make a person feel comfortable? How do they share hard news? How do they disagree?
7. LEAVE THE COMFORT ZONE: Your social muscles will grow under stress – it’s time to exercise. You’ll know you’re growing when you want to keep your social muscles under stress. Here are four ways to exit your comfort zone: Cold call a friend, talk to a stranger, or volunteer to present first.
8. KNOW YOUR BATTERY: We are all socially charged and depleted in different ways and at different rates. Find harmony. Here are ways to know how to charge your battery: SETTING: in what social settings do you feel most energized? PEOPLE: who do you feel most energized talking to? CONTENT: what do you feel most energized talking about?
9. KEEP IT SIMPLE: Hitting one target is much easier than hitting three – keeping your message simple maximizes its effectiveness.
10. SOW NOW, REAP LATER: Implement these tips when you’re thinking about them so that you’ll use them when you’re not. Here’s what we’ve established:
* Talking to people is worth it.
Sharing your thoughts is crucial in being fulfilled.
Having a goal in mind will help you be a clear communicator.
It’s OK to be awkward – but it’s not OK to be distracted.
You won’t be as clear and confident when you’re socially drained.
It is OK not to know what to say in the moment.
Your growth as a communicator will happen most outside of my comfort zone.
Humans are unpredictable social creatures.
You can learn from each conversation you have and make the next one even better.
I have a video version and PDF version if anyone needs it.