TLDR: looking for ways to discover our likes and dislikes in the bedroom, not sure how to start.
Hi all! Mid-20’s F here. I’ve recently recovered (but not fully…?) from what I believe was vaginismus and have been engaging in more PIV sex with my long-term boyfriend, which has been great (although some days are still difficult).
Previously, there wasn’t anything super exciting about our sex life – pretty routine, usually fingering, handjobs, oral (for him more so than me, I’m not a fan). At least for me, while I did enjoy ‘sex’ then, it wasn’t really a super big deal. However, now that I’m mostly able to have PIV, sex has become something I look forward to even more.
That said, tightness below varies day to day, and I’ve realised the importance of getting AND staying super aroused before/during PIV to prevent tightness. It’s quite common that after about 10-15mins of penetration, my vagina starts to become tight again and penetration hurts – even when I’m quite aroused. A Redditor previously suggested for me to explore more with foreplay and/or kinks, likes/dislikes, and here’s where I need help!!!
My boyfriend is quite vanilla, I’ve asked him before about his kinks and he only expressed interest in public sex (which does sound hot but I don’t think that can be explored at this juncture). For me, I enjoy things like spanking or being choked, and while he does indulge me sometimes, he dislikes it as he doesn’t want to feel like he’s hurting me. Which sucks because (1) I usually have to guide his hands to my ass or neck myself when I want him to initiate it on his own and (2) I want him to enjoy it too 🙁 both of us being beginners, I think there’s much we don’t know about our own (much less each other’s) likes/dislikes in the bedroom.
I just wanted to hear how we can (1) explore different things in the bedroom/discover things that turn ourselves and each other on and (2) how to deal with incompatible kinks (like the spanking and choking) – although my boyfriend does indulge me, I do feel bad that it’s something he doesn’t enjoy.
TIA 🙂