Throwaway.
My (29M) girlfriend (29F) and I have been dating for over six years. On Thursday, I’m planning on proposing in Cape May, NJ. Thursday marks exactly one year to the date that I’ve had the ring.
The reason I’ve waited so long to propose is because of her busy schedule. She’s in medical residency, and this is the first PTO she’s taken to relax. Normally she takes PTO and we visit her family who live two hours away. She has poked fun countless times, asking me when I’m planning on proposing. She and I are very in love and ready to take our relationship to the next level.
A few days ago, she asks if I’m surprising her with a mani-pedi (for context, I booked us a day at a spa) in Cape May. I lied and told her no, as to keep the proposal a surprise. She told me to be honest, because she wanted to trim her nails, and knows the mani-pedi was expensive, and doesn’t want it to go to waste. I ended up coming clean, and telling her that I did book a manicure for her.
Puzzled, she says “Please don’t propose to me in Cape May.” Jokingly, I told her “Let’s say I was planning on it. Don’t you think it’s too late to cancel all of my plans?” This is the truth. For the occasion, I’ve booked an expensive hotel, spa day and photographer to capture the moment. In that moment, she froze and started crying, feeling guilty that she potentially ruined the big moment. To re-assure her, I told her she didn’t ruin anything (Without explicitly saying “I’m not proposing.”)
One thing about my girlfriend: She’s a planner. She loves to be in control, and if a plan slightly deviates, she gets rather upset. The reasons she didn’t want me to propose are the following:
1. **She “has no cute clothes to wear.”** I got ahead of this by purchasing a dress from her favorite store in sizes 2 and 4. We’ll return the one she doesn’t like for store credit.
2. **She hasn’t gotten her hair done in a while and “has tons of greys.”** This is nothing that the photographer won’t be able to edit out of the pictures. She knows I love her grey hairs and all. We also agreed on having an engagement shoot at an optimal time.
3. **Her mom is coming into town after our trip.** I’m planning to propose Thursday, with her mom flying in Friday. This was coincidence. Her mom isn’t staying with us, but my girlfriend doesn’t want to be love bombed by her mom or my parents (we’re all getting dinner together — again, completely unrelated but good timing). My girlfriend told me in her perfect world, I’d propose at the start of a vacation, and we wouldn’t have to tell anyone about it for a week. She just wants the moment to be me and her, celebrating together.
I feel conflicted. I’ve had the ring for a year and I’ve been trying to plan something special, but timing has gotten in the way every time. Now, I feel that the timing is right, but I’m second guessing my decision. I’d prefer to not eat the cost(s) of planning this thing, but if it’s not the right time, I understand. Still, we have no vacation plans this year.
Should I postpone the proposal? Is there anything I can say/do during/before the proposal to make the moment feel more magic? I know she will say yes, but I’m nervous about starting the next phase of our relationship on a rocky engagement.
TL:DR, Girlfriend asked me not to propose, but I feel like it’s too late to change plans. I’ve been trying to plan a proposal for a year, and learned there will not be a perfect time.