So my reaction wasn’t what I expected. I have waited for two months now because I thought, maybe I have been in shock but no. I really have no emotion towards my husband cheating on me.
I have been dreading this my entire life, that my partner would cheat on me. I have seen it happen to loved ones and how it affected them. My mom told me it was the worst feeling and I put myself in their shoes and felt it. But when it happened to me? When I saw them in my bed, I felt nothing. Not sad not happy not betrayed. Nothing. I don’t love or hate him more. I don’t care. Maybe I have been mentally preparing for this my whole life. It feels anticlimactic tbh. The only thing that has changed is that I never want to touch him ever again But otherwise, I don’t want to change anything. I don’t want to split. I don’t want us to sell our beautiful home to afford two shitty apartments. I don’t want my children to have two homes. Smaller rooms and no sense of permanency. I don’t want to drive them back and forth. I don’t want to spend less time with them. I don’t want to change career. I don’t want my children to have new step parents in their lives. Step siblings that may abuse them. My happiness wasn’t affected. My happiness was never affected by my husband’s decisions apparently. Maybe I never loved my husband enough? Or do I love him too much I can’t imagine a life without him? All I want now is that he enters our home from our basement door. Throw all his clothes in the dishwasher. Take a shower and brush his teeth in our spare bathroom. Put on clean clothes before he comes up to my home. It doesn’t matter if he’s just been at work, gym or with friends. He is not allowed to bring her scent or anything to my home.
Is this normal or am I going to break soon? I have been waiting to break but it doesn’t want to happen. Is anyone here in my position and can share their experience?