Idk if this is the correct place to ask 😅
For context I’m Aroace, but I have that itch in my mind that I would like to \*try\* at least once anything merely sexual. I’m afraid of any type of penetration, including a silly tampon 😅 I can’t even try put a finger in myself because just the sensation of forcing it in makes me sick and I seem to be too tight to even see the hole… Tbh genitals repulse me so I don’t like to observe or touch myself there much
So…an old friend has been telling me that he wants to come on vacation someday and we would see each other again after like 8 years. And suddenly the crazy idea came to my mind that if he do come, ask him for help to experiment with me to see if I am \*able\* to feel anything and see if finally a finger can get inside lol since it wouldn’t be my own hand as always (I have no libido, so my attempts at masturbation for curiosity are failed, I don’t really seems to have much feeling, or at contrary, just overwhelming that I need to stop. But I don’t really get into the mood never sooo)
Idk if that would be too much to ask for? Note that we’ve only be friends and nothing remotely romantic never. Would a man be ok with just touch? Maybe I could accept oral if he wants and I’m not panicking lol. BUT I really doubt I would scalate anything to actual sex and probably the only thing I could reciprocate would be with my hand at most even if nudity puts me very anxious… Like… Would it be fair for me to even ask for this “favor” with all these boundaries?
For life reasons I no longer have friends in real life: emigrating+very introverted is not the best mix to integrate into new groups so for years I have only had my same old friends but scattered in the world . Then I’m like what if I never find anyone I’ve trust with to even consider to ask?
Please, no DM.