Me (f) and my boyfriend are in our 20’s. We were long distance for some years (visiting every so often) and recently moved in together. He is my first serious and sexual partner, while he has had past partners. My problem is I have never been able to comfortably receive during sex. I mostly blame myself. I am inexperienced, I feel very insecure and vulnerable during sex. I’m still learning how to translate how I pleasure myself to him in a way that works for both of us (position & preferences). I unfortunately don’t get enough stimulation through p in v intercourse. From the start, many times there is always something that interrupts when I ask him to do something specific to me. Either I feel guilty and want him to stop, it doesn’t feel good and I’ve already tried showing him multiple times, or he says something that isn’t exactly hurtful but something I think you shouldn’t say during sex and it ends up hurting my feelings. I also feel guilty for how long he would have to focus on me to get me to cum, and I’m too much in my head to get there anyways unless he’s fucking me and not focused on me. I find it hard to not think about things he has said to me in the past, and my memory tends to cling to the bad things, even if we’ve already talked it through and he’s apologized.
Every time something happens like this I feel more like giving up and just being fine with p in v intercourse. I would love to pleasure myself when we’re having intercourse and it’s the only way I’ve been able to cum a couple times. Most positions are uncomfortable or hard to do it in, or I just feel like I’m in the way of him and using my vibrator makes him uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to unlearn pushing my hips forward when touching myself, so if we’re having intercourse in any position other than missionary he falls out of me and it just doesn’t work. If I ride him I feel even less and it’s not because of his size its just that I don’t feel much through intercourse unless its rough. I also get insecure when he is never turned on by touching me how I want to be touched. I can see why, if I don’t look like I’m enjoying myself. Its a cycle where if he isn’t getting turned on, even if I am enjoying it, I’m paranoid he isn’t enjoying it and can’t be turned on if that makes sense. We’ve tried all sorts of positions and sex toys. I think he is content but I feel like Im going nuts.
I also feel like I don’t deserve to ask him to do something specific to me that I like because he does most the work during sex anyways. He does all the foreplay and rubs me a little until I’m wet and then fucks me. I suck him off every once in a while, but ever since I told him swallowing his cum makes my stomach hurt he hasn’t been as interested. I enjoy doing it and offer a lot of the time but I don’t think I do it the way he likes it. I’m always asking him what he wants and what I can be doing and I try to have positive conversations. I feel like a bad sex partner and I feel like I don’t have any one to talk to about this.
Our relationship is pretty good. We have issues with our tone towards each other now and then but we work really well together in every way. He is the one who is much better at communicating. I love him very much and I want to marry him someday. I tend to put blame on him for some things but I know it’s all me in my head and I need to figure out how to let it all go.
Sorry if this post is all over the place.
Any advice is appreciated thank you.