I (32F) like to sleep in on weekends if I don’t have anything going on. (I’m talking usually 9:30, rarely 10. very, very rarely would it be any later than 10.) I wake up at 7AM for work on weekdays. My boyfriend (34M) moved in with me in January, we’ve been together almost 2 years. He can’t sleep in, ever and is up at 7AM every day. This was a bit of a point of contention early in our relationship but more in a “oh one of us is a morning person and one of us isn’t” way.
To be clear, if he says like oh let’s grab breakfast tomorrow say 9, I will say yes and be up at 8 to go, same with any other plans. I’m only sleeping in if I have no plans. And it’s honestly rare that there are no plans. Maybe 2-3 times a month.
The issue has become that on those days, he’ll come wake me up at whatever time he deems appropriate for me to get up for the reason he’s waking me up.
Examples:
“We’d better get going, we’ve got to meet our friends at 11.” I check the clock and it’s 8:50. Yes, we have plans to meet them at a place 15 mins away…
“Hey can you get up and help me unload the groceries?” It’s 9AM. What groceries? I got groceries 2 days ago.. he went to the store and got 12 items and wants me to get up to help put them away.
“It’s time to get moving, babe, we should take the dogs to the dog park” it’s 9:15. Why can you not wait 15 minutes until I am up?
I will clearly state the night before my intention. I don’t have anything going on tomorrow morning, I’m going to sleep in. Or if there are plans I will state what time I’m setting my alarm for. “Im getting up at 830 so we can do XYZ” Even then, without fail, he will wake me up 15-30 mins before my alarm is set.
I get irritated every time and ask why he can’t trust me to determine what time I wake up. I’ve asked him if I’m running late and stressing him out or something and he always says no. When I ask why he can’t let me sleep in he will just give the reason for why he woke me up that particular day. It’s starting to feel intentional and sort of manipulative?
This really came to a head on Sunday. I’d spent most of Saturday cleaning the house and prepping food for a Mother’s Day lunch we were having for both our Moms. Going to bed that night I said I’m glad that’s all out of the way, we just have to pop the food in the oven half an hour before they get here, I’m so excited I can sleep in until 10, it’s gonna be so nice! He replied “totally!” Sunday morning he wakes me up by gently flicking my nose and saying time to get going, we have people coming today” I look at the clock and it’s 9. I absolutely lost it, I started crying and went to the bathroom. When I came down an hour later he said you can’t act like that because you didn’t get an hour of extra sleep that’s childish. I asked why the hell he couldn’t let me have the extra hour of sleep? It’s not gonna take me 3 hours to shower and put food in the oven? Why can’t he just let me sleep until an alarm I set goes off? And don’t ever fucking flick me on the nose to wake me up again that’s so incredibly rude. He made a comment about how I’m obviously grumpy because I didn’t get enough sleep and I told him that I need him to really think about why he does this and come talk to me when he’s ready. We had a fine enough Mother’s Day and then he has avoided really speaking to me since.
I sat him down last night and asked if he thought about what I said and he told me he thinks I overreacted and that he’s trying to be helpful when he wakes me up. I said I’ve asked him to stop doing this so why would he think it was helpful? He just shrugged and I was getting irritated and didn’t want to push it.
I feel like I’m going insane.
TL;DR because it needs one, clearly. BF won’t let me sleep in past whatever time he deems appropriate. I snapped and he says I overreacted.