Two days ago my boyfriend came to me and opened up about something that happened to him when he was younger. Starting at the age of 11, his aunt who was the same age as him would touch him during sleepovers while he was asleep, at the age of 19 during his birthday party he drank too much and passed out, only to wake up with her on top of him, fully raping him. This would continue anytime she would come over if he was drinking, up until he got a lock on his door. Eventually as time went on he grew to despise her and started to get upset especially when she got a boyfriend and mentioned that she tried anal but since she didn’t like it her boyfriend never made her do it again, knowing that she had a boyfriend who treated her good, a boyfriend who respected her boundaries and knowing that she had a choice to say no, she had an option to not do something really made my boyfriend upset because she spent his whole childhood touching him against his will and she raped him throughout his adulthood. He never got to say no, he never had an option. So over time he stared doing it back to her when she would drink and stay the night at his house. He would yell at her as she slept through it, he would sometimes cry. He knows now that it was a terrible way to try and heal himself but at the time it helped him take that powerless feeling she gave him and turn it into a feeling where he had the power she took from him back.
Now here’s where I’m looking for help, we are a long distance couple and now have a visit on Friday until Tuesday. We have always had a good sex life with each other, healthy and happy. But I know that sometimes when you talk about trauma after not telling anyone for so long it can become easier to trigger traumatic memories. I’m worried about our sex life, if this will change things or how I can keep him feeling comfortable. The only boundary he has made extremely clear with me is that he never wants to be touched when he’s drinking or sleeping which I would never do to begin with. How can I continue to keep our sex life healthy and comfortable for him? Is there anything I should be aware of or I should prepare for now that he’s opened up about his traumatic past?