I (37m), am currently going through the toughest spot with my with wife (37f). The past three years of our marriage has definitely been the lowest of the lows and we are still going through it. And yes, I admit, it is all my fault. I have also admitted that to her. I won’t get into the details of what happened a couple of years back, but we have made lots of progress since then, and things were going well for a few months. However, recently, I made the mistake of not mentioning to my wife that I was talking with a new friend, who is a female, More than just at school pick ups and drop offs. She has been encouraging me to make new friends, regardless of the sex, because most of her friends are males and have been since middle school. I guess I just had some resentment deep down inside about her close male relationships, but yes, I should have told her about it. I didn’t, and now I am suffering the consequences. Nothing malicious was ever spoken about in conversation, but we were texting nearly every day outside of school. My wife discovered this thread of conversation after using my phone this past weekend to send herself some photos. And now I feel like all of the progress we had made, has disappeared, and then some. Please note, that my wife is not mad about the fact that I was talking to a female, but the fact that I basically hid this friendship and never mentioned the extent to which we spoke.
This mistake, piled on top of the other poor decisions a couple of years ago, have now made my wife threaten to leave me, and had has made her lose her trust in me. Which I totally understand, and I deserve what has come for me. But I have always been one to avoid drama and conflict, especially with my wife, and now that we are in this rut, I cannot seem to shake myself of the stress and anxiety. I know things get better with time, but I am finding it hard to have a normal daily life and finding it hard to be happy with the kids, which we have three. I can barely eat, it’s hard to sleep, I’m not sure what I can or should be doing while she deals with and processes this situation between us. I know I did wrong, and I know I was the fuck up, but any advice or suggestions on going through incredibly rough patches with your spouse?
For the first time ever, I will be traveling across the country soon with two of our three kids to visit some family without my wife and our oldest daughter. It may be for up to two weeks, and I am hoping this small break between us will shed some positive light on our situation.
I have since cut off that friendship and conversation, and vowed to my wife that I will no longer be talking to anyone outside of this marriage, so that I can focus on being a better version of myself and focus on the kids and our marriage. I’m not really sure what else I can do other than tell her this.