you will eventually overcome this, remember this- socialising is a skill, the more you go outside the more outgoing you become, the more you socialise the more social you become if that is what you deeply want. I am 23, but till 2023 I was a loner and only had couple of friends, more like 2 buddies. I once went on a journey with my classmates 84 in total for 8 days. It was hard to socialise even then as I restricted myself because of my 2 friends who were very similar to me. we were kinda boys who wanted to socialise but never tried to put effort ,fearing embarrassment and awkwardness.
After graduation, I joined some programming exam preparation course, Now I had 2 options. They offered same course in 2 ways, one was online and second was offline. I knew that to get better at interaction with people I have to meet people offline(I was tired of being a loner and decided to change it). Even though the tuition was far away I opted for the second. It was a new environment where nobody actually knew me. They didn’t know my cringey past or embarrassing moments, or I was rejected in hallway by a girl that I tried to propose. To them I as a person was a total blank page which they had no info about. So it was easy for me to fake my confidence and Interact with people. Everyone there thought I was a very social person. I used to interact with everyone, even kids from other batches.
Some friends there used to call me to the go outside and hangout at first and then after sometime everyone formed their own group, it wasn’t like they ghosted me or stopped talking to me, but like just stopped inviting me to go outside with them. I for a long time wondered what went wrong and what wrong did I do. Our 1 month course got over and everyone went their own way, made a few connection with boys but never interacted with girls as I was bit awkward around them.
After 3 month or so after that I cracked the exams and I joined the 6 month crash course(currently 2 months in) and have made good friends here, the difference is now I am getting Invited to parties, to hang out at night, to go go-karting, music fest, and a lot. This time I got my answer as to why I wasn’t getting invited when doing 1 month course. It was because I wasn’t taking the initiative to invite.
Things I have learned:
1. Its easy to get into new group of friend than to enter a already long formed friend circle, humans are territorial and possessive, we feel infiltrated when someone tries to barge in our group.
2. Things take time, you can’t force friendship on others, let it be natural and people will naturally come closer to you.
3. Start doing activities you like and you will find like minded people who enjoy doing same things as you.
4. you should know when to let go and when to hold on to people. Some people I have tried to stop from leaving me and they still left no matter how hard I tried and some only needed me to remind them only once that lets stay in contact and we still have that connection.
5. Don’t try to be alone everytime, go out and interact. being alone for longer time can lead to loneliness and sad state of mind. it’s a slippery slope or a spiral downward, nothing good comes out of it.
6. Initiate- be the first to interact, if you are uncomfortable with girls just start by interacting with boys, men, older men. Most people don’t mind and are sweet. The more you do it, the better you get.
7. Hang out with people who you want to be like, try socialising with social people more, Interact with everyone but don’t try to hang out with people who are not willing to(e.g- I went for drinks with my friends and this one good friend we tried to invite her and she was not feeling like it, we still tried to convince her twice and after that we just went on our own and enjoyed, cracking joke,dancing,singing…)
8. Do it anyways- if you want to go out with friend or group and they are not in the mood, don’t let their mood affect yours. Go out anyways without them but also at first try to invite them to hangout, if they say yes then it’s good, if no then just say to yourself I am going regardless , I enjoy my own company.
9. Don’t limit yourself to certain group of people or friends. If you feel like going out and some friends say no, its good to have many people that you can ask.
10. Now as a social person I am looking for more social people to hangout, age, gender, race don’t matter to me. what you are is what you attract.
11. live in present, start new. Just think you are a social and spontaneous person and act according to it. Now I just think and do it without giving a second thought. If I want to go to a bar, I just put my shoes on and go(ofcourse ask if anyone is down for it), If I want to travel to certain city I just pack my bag and leave(if possible due to work or else I follow my plan and travel on holidays) Don’t wait for things to fall in place or right time, there is no right time.
12. I wish I started interacting with people a long ago, but yk the best time to plant apple tree was 10 yrs ago and the next best time is today. Start it from today. 6 months are enough to change a person. At first I thought this is all bs, but for me it took only 6 month. for 23 years I was in your position, and it only took 6 months for a better start.
If anyone wants to talk more about this or just have a convo, don’t mind DMing me. I love interacting with people and I don’t judge(positivity is what I seek and positivity is what i radiate)