Hey all,
This is a throwaway account. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, and we love eachother very much. Everything about our relationship is great, it comes easy to us, we can be our weird selves around each other, and we have the same perspective on a lot of issues as well as similar goals for life.
I’m planning to propose later this year and have been ring shopping recently.
I own my home, and a couple of months ago asked her to officially move in (she had been living with her parents to save money but had been staying over at my place the majority of the time).
We didn’t talk about what finances may look like at that point in time (my mistake) but she is always complaining that her best friends bf lives with her best friend and doesn’t pay for rent or utilities and how frustrating and unfair that is for her friend, so I assumed we were on the same page on the subject.
I make $155k/year and she makes $95k/year.
Her family also comes from money, whereas I have had to pay my own way through school and have paid for everything I own on my own, as my parents couldn’t afford to help.
She will buy groceries for us (early on I was buying 90% of groceries but this is closer to 50/50 now or even 60/40 with her contributing the 60.
But a few days ago I brought up that I think we should start splitting expenses, at the very least the utility costs. She got upset and claimed that I was trying to treat her like a roommate and that she complains about her best friend’s situation because she thinks the guy should pay for everything.. (??)
She told me she currently saves all of her money by purchasing government bonds. Im frustrated that she is able to put a ton of money into savings each month because I am paying for all of our living expenses (mortgage + utilities is roughly $2k/month).
How do I get her to understand this is a partnership and we should be contributing equitably to expenses? (I proposed a 62%/38% split based on our take home pay distribution). On the other hand, I plan on marrying this woman, so while being on the same page about finances in general is extremely important, should I let this go since eventually the money in government bonds will benefit both of us?
What advice do you have or how would you approach this situation?
Thank you for reading and I’m happy to answer any additional questions for more context