I posted a few days ago about my partner changing schedules without communicating. It’s an issue we’ve had for a bit in our 6 year relationship. We don’t live together and both have kids. I see a therapist and my last big question to her was “how do I set boundaries without them coming off as ultimatums?”
One thing that I’ve asked repeatedly is that if I ask him to do something that he give me an answer in a reasonable time frame. I have a college roommate’s wedding this coming weekend. I asked twice. Once when we got the invite and again a few days before RSVPs were due a little over a month ago. I told him I totally get if he can’t come, just please let me know. It’s a weekend we have our respective kiddos. I get not wanting to miss a night with them. He responded that he would check if they had anything going on and let me know. Today is 5 days before the wedding and he just now told me he can go. I RSVPd for just myself and he wants to know if there’s wiggle room to add him. My therapist says – a boundary is… you asked twice and he didn’t respond and that if he comes back last minute wanting to go, you say no, I’m sorry I’ve already made plans.
Thoughts? How do I handle because I’m having a hard time not caving and at least trying to add him.
TL;DR: partner leaves me hanging when asking him to events and waits until last minute to tell me yes and I’m trying to set boundaries.