I’m trying to decide if I’m just asking too much, but I do feel like avoiding hard convos and telling lots of white lies really breaks down connection.
My husband has always told really weird, white lies. Even silly things like saying he brushed his teeth when he didn’t, or claiming he put gas in the car when he didn’t. He’s extremely avoidant in general and can’t handle marital conflict so he tries to either avoid/ shut down or lie his way out of it.
I’m not a yeller but I can get frustrated and speak with passion and be very direct. I think in the earlier years I didn’t approach problems as well as I could have because I was still a bit immature. The last couple of years I’ve worked to be more tactful and just have a genuine conversation with the goal of both of us winning or so to speak- I try not to hold him hostage or harp on a topic too long if he seems overwhelmed. But unless I bring things up nothing ever gets resolved. His family is also very avoidant and just seem to live with elephants in the room and lots of resentment.
I’m trying to understand why someone would tell constant white lies. I’ve been patient over the years but I’m getting fed up. I really believe lying and being avoidant is a way to never really connect with anyone. I feel like I never knew my husband and I was able to ignore that feeling until the last year ir so it’s become so predominant I can’t ignore it. Any insights?