My partner (29M) and I (29F) have been together for more than a decade, and are engaged to be married next year. Our biggest challenge in the relationship has been sex – my drive is higher than his.
I'm also in individual therapy for self esteem issues. It's not the worst but I am definitely not the most confident person out there, and sex is one of the areas where I struggle. I am so comfortable with my partner but I've always been insecure that guys haven't been attracted to me, and it was something I was teased for growing up, for context.
Anyways, recently he's been trying to improve his game in bed, which I definitely appreciate. And last night he was really laying it on thick, saying stuff like "that's a good girl" while I was on top. That's big for him because normally he doesn't make any noise when we have sex. Naturally, I was really getting into it because listening to him say those things was a massive turn on.
Normally I would just say something like "cum in me" or "your dick feels so good" but after a decade those same lines get really old and I wanted to give him something equally great back. It was honestly the best sex we'd had in like a year to this point, at least from my perspective, and I was really getting into it.
So, I decided to tell him the truth.
It was a massive mistake lol. It had been a couple of weeks since we'd had sex, so I'd been really pent up and had been thinking about all the different ways I wanted him when we finally got around to doing it. So for my "dirty talk" instead of going to the 'lines', I was honest and rambled out basically all of this:
"All I've been thinking about for the past two days is your cock inside me…. I've been dripping wet … I've thought about you telling me to get on my knees, open my mouth… I've thought about tasting you as you come… "
And right about there was where he cut me off and eeked out "Too much". Of course, I stopped talking and apologized. He said it was okay and we finished in silence.
But all I wanted to do afterwards was cry. I didn't say anything because I can't tell if it's all of my insecurities bubbling up and it really was just way too much to ramble off at a person in the middle of riding them. Or, am I validated to feel hurt? It felt a little bit like I put myself out there and was rejected. Like he was turned off by the idea of all the thoughts that turned me on, I guess?