I don't know how to express myself. I feel so lost in my thoughts and feelings. I had promised myself not to do anything before marriage, but here I am. It's been 11 months since I got together with my boyfriend and along the way he has never treated me wrong. We have had our conflicts, but we have been able to resolve them.
I lost my vcard to my boyfriend today and I don't know why I did it. Part of me wanted to make it an unforgettable night because he is moving to another country soon and we will be long distance. He didn't force me, on the contrary, he took care of me quite well and the feeling of it also felt nice even though it hurt.
But after I was filled with so much regret and now I neither want to see nor hear from him. He’s been calling and texting me several times today but I just want to run away. I just want to leave the relationship because I feel so bad and disgusting. My vcard was important to me and now I just feel so much shame. I have not told this to anyone around me and I probably never will either. What should I do?