Content warning for CSA talk
I (28f) and my wife (27mtf) have been together for almost a decade and struggle a lot with sex these days.
I feel like its totally my fault and I cant get out of my own way. I experienced sexual abuse in my early teen years which affected our sex life less in the past but has seriously began to interfere with my ability to be interested or engaged at all. Before, I at least had a sex drive. It's…a little easier to cope with triggering situations if it feels like I'm looking forward to something.
But now I have no sex drive at all. Have been medically checked recently and am fine. I can't blame anyone or anything else for things going downhill but I just can't make myself want to.
I desperately want to get past this because I'm certain I'm about to lose my marriage over it. She's angry at me all the time. She doesn't directly blame sex but the implication is she doesn't feel connected to me anymore and is generally upset in life because I make her feel unloved, like I don't care, etc despite trying to show that I do in other ways.
I'm like begging for someone to come in this thread and tell me they've gotten past something like this before.
What can I do? (Already in therapy individually and with her, I guess I'm hoping there's a practical solution)