My boyfriend (M20) and I (F20) have been together for over a year and spend almost every moment together. I took a gap year off of college as I didn't need all four years to finish my degree, and could afford to take some time to work and save money. Lately, our relationship has been off, with me feeling completely drained. We usually spend at least 4 days a week together (after getting off work at 5) and I never force it on him and always ask him what his plans are for the day first. Usually, he plans on spending time with me, but as of late other things in his life cause him to cancel last minute. He will initially say he wants to spend time with me, I will plan out what we could do together, and then something happens. Whether it's family or friends or other obligations, he always forgets a conflicting plan or has to change for whatever reason, and our plans get put on the back burner. For example, we had made plans to go swimming and out for dinner one day after work. Later that day he received a text from his friend who needed his support after some relationship issues, so he canceled on me with no word of apology (though he does normally at least say he's sorry). Another example is us planning to go hiking one day and he said he would take the day off to go do it. In the morning, he receives a call from his parents who need his help with something so he immediately leaves and hiking is never brought up again (he did apologize this time). I wouldn't normally be upset by these things seeing as it was out of his control, but this happens all the time. We make plans to do things, but he forgets about having other obligations or things spontaneously come up, and he cancels on me. I try and shift my thinking to understanding those moments as his chance to get a break and get back to doing the things he loved doing before me, but I still find myself getting upset. I dread making plans to see him or making plans now, as I am tired of them being taken away from us. I don't want to be dependent on him so I've tried to distract myself by hanging out with my friends, but that causes problems of its own. One of my closest friends who I always see (in a friend group who are all automatically invited to plans) is a previous romantic interest, so I completely understand my boyfriend's discomfort with me hanging around him, especially in more intimate settings. That one friend being around really made my boyfriend uncomfortable, and after talking I agreed to pull away from certain plans with my group out of respect for him. Those friends however are who I would spend all my time with pre-relationship as they carried out the same hobbies as me. The first thing I can think of to take my mind off of missing him is hanging out with my friends, but he is uncomfortable with them so it'd just lead to more problems (they're big partiers). He is honestly a really the love of my life, and he was cheated on in the past pretty badly. For that reason, I don't mind pulling away from my friends because I am devoted to loving my partner and making it work. I understood very clearly that it would take time and sacrifice to build trust due to past trauma, I was and still am more than happy to make those choices for him.
All in all, I am not upset that he takes time to himself to do things he wants. I love that he's caring and does so much for everyone else, I only start to feel bad when he cancels our established plans to do stuff with other people. It happens at least once or twice a week. I have tried bringing up how I feel but he always responds by claiming he is trying, and I don't want to invalidate what he feels he did extra. Just because I didn't see the effort does not mean it wasn't there. I don't want to be dependent on him and I want things to get better, but I also don't want to have to pull away to be by myself seeing as I leave for college again in a couple of months. I feel like maybe I am co-dependent on him, but I never force him to spend time with me and always ask what his plans are for the day. (I stopped planning for what I wanted, which was to spend time with him because I didn't want to keep building codependence if that was possibly what was making me angry.) As you read I guess keep in mind that we do work together but I only see him for minutes throughout the day. Once we get off we spend the rest of our free days together and on Sunday he works so we usually don't do anything those days and take time apart.
If I am in the wrong I would love to hear that. I know I'm not perfect and it takes two people to make a relationship work. I have thought about the idea that when he does apologize for canceling I tell him it's okay versus saying I'm upset, which may be making things worse. I just want to stop feeling like this and keep him by my side, I am willing to hear anything to help the situation.
EDIT: I have things I do on my own I play lots of instruments, I love going to the gym, I love cooking, but when I am by myself during the week I just find myself only thinking about him. All the things I do on my own have been spoiled by his goodness. They never take my mind off of him only make me miss him more. Sunday's are different as I have gotten used to taking that as a self-care day.