TLDR; gf hid that shes been calling her ex hookup in the middle of the night for 3 months. I am an anxious mess and I don’t know if I’m being overly insecure or if this is trust that can’t be repaired
On mobile sorry for formatting. First post on throwaway.
About a month ago I went through (24 m) my gf’s (24f) phone while she was asleep. I know this is an invasion of privacy and not okay. We’ve been together only 5 months at this time. She has an ex (23m) hookup from about a year ago she’s only ever spoken negatively about so I was surprised that they had been texting since December. The texts were just sending memes and catching up, all innocent but frequent contact. Definitely 2-3+ conversations a week, some messages were him asking her to call and her replying she would soon. On call history, they have three phone calls lasting over two hours each and several 20-30 minute phone calls. All phone calls happen between 1 and 4 AM. There is no mention of me in her texts although she does include names of friends and family she is with when they’re texting, just never me.
Gf and I are very open with each other and once this ex hookup came up in conversation in January. At that time she had maintained that they hadn’t had any contact in a long time.
I woke her up and asked what this is about and why she hadn’t mentioned that she was talking with her ex again. She got immediately defensive and honestly turned unrecognizable. Usually she’s so sweet and caring about my feelings but she turned so nasty. Then tried telling me they had never hooked up, but eventually came clean they had. She said she only spoke with him to get closure and that he is aware she’s in a relationship.
Since then, I’ve honestly been a wreck. I want to trust her because she’s my best friend. But I have such a bad gut feeling about this. I’ve been acting like everything is normal but since then I think she knows it’s not…do you think I’m overreacting? What would you do? If I am overreacting, how can I calm down about this to get the anxiety that she isn’t truthful out of my head?
Thank you Reddit.
6 comments
It’s only been 5 months, just cut your losses here. Not many people make innocent phone calls between 1 and 4 am. If she didn’t feel like she was doing something wrong then she’d have no reason not to tell you about it.
Edit: spelling
Move on buddy. She’s not to be trusted.
Never date somone who keeps in contact with their ex.
It doesn’t take multiple hour long phone calls from 1-4am to find closure. She’s full of shit and this is 100% not ok.
I’m sorry man, but it’s best to cut your losses and move on. You deserve better
I suspect it’s more than “talking”. Move on.
You’re not overreacting. She is doing shady things and when asked about it became defensive, lied, etc. She may be “your best friend” but you aren’t hers. Friends and lovers shouldn’t treat each other this way. It isn’t worth your peace of mind.