I hope this is allowed! And I hope it's not giving any red flags. I am a woman, 30, and I have had confusing feelings around this all my life, and I saw a different perspective on it suddenly and I guess I wanted to ask, what on earth am I feeling.
I feel like I have a "friendship kink". I have no sexual or romantic attraction towards some of the people I want to have sex with, my friends. Well, I guess there is sexual attraction to an extent but it only comes on because the platonic nature of the relationship suddenly starts to feel really hot. Obviously consensual. I'll give some scenarios below:
I make friends with an older dude at work. He is very very sweet, comes across as quite lonely, is single, and we form a very platonic friendship as there is a big age gap. At first, I feel very protective of him and fond of him because I relate to him. There is nothing romantic or sexual about our friendship, it feels very safe and innocent. Then suddenly I will find this dynamic really really hot and sexually fantasize about him, and about sexually pleasing him "as a friend".
I also want to have sex with female friends but there is no sexual or romantic attraction. It's more like wanting to sexually please them for being such a great friend. I am not a lesbian, because of the absence of attraction, and because I have tried to explore this in my dating life and I've found I'm just not interested in dating women.
It's like the absence of attraction suddenly seems really hot to me, maybe because the stakes are lower?
I think it's like, the taboo of it just being a friendship is the kink? Or something?
In these fantasies, the other person wants it and it's consensual. These fantasies have never once come true and I find myself lying in wait hoping someone else will make the move because I feel like a bit of a creep for thinking it. I mostly want to pleasure them and get nothing in return.
I have always, always said I feel "friend love" more than I ever felt romantic or sexual attraction and for this I have had trouble defining my sexual orientation.
I think what spurred this question is that my friend was talking about how when her and her friends get drunk they always end up touching each other, and I wonder, is she like me? Is there a name for it?