I have a friend named Sophie who works for an airline and I to also worked for an airline. We had been working together in the aviation industry for about 7-8 years and have been pretty close up until I got my new job which is in the tech industry.
To simplify it, the new job I had got in March pays almost x3 of what we make at our positions at an airline, and Sophie knows this because her sister works in the same industry and I am assuming disclosed that to Sophie because she never asked me how much my new job pays, she just started assuming I would pay for everything going out. It got to the point where she would call me her "sugar mama" and how she can't wait for me to shower her in gifts. At this point I couldn't tell if this was just her way of being happy for my new job or just being selfish.
Since my position in the aviation industry was very close to minimum wage I had racked up some debt and now with my new position want to take the time to try to pay of this debt asap. I had explained that to Sophie but she pretty much had just brushed it aside and said "you'll have $15K paid off in no time with that new job of yours and soon well be going to Italy together and 'we' Weill be able to treat 'ourselves' to the fancy places now" and comments like that told me, she just wants me to pay for everything.
We had been friends for 7 years prior to this both working minimum wage positions at the airport and always had worked together to find cheap or free events to go to, window shopping, not overpriced places to eat, the whole goal was so we could enjoy ourselves without the guilt of spending too much.
Now, when Sophie asks to hang out, she plans this whole extravagant outing where will have to uber, pay for cover, go out to eat, she wants bottle service, space to dance so a VIP section, a place to sleep. When I tell her I will have to decline because I can't be going out and spending a bunch of money on an outing that would cost hundreds of dollars, she gets offended, leaves me on read, doesn't answer my phone calls, won't talk to me, until the next birthday or event comes up and she does this whole extravagant planning again to which ill kindly decline because I would remind her Im trying to pay off my debts and can't afford to be going out like that.
It got to the point where she had vocalized it is "unfair". She claims because she's constantly flying everywhere and is only in the city a couple days of the month that "we should take advance of the time and go out". I tell her she's more than welcome to come over, make food at my house, drink here, but im not paying to go out when it's going to cost a lot of money. She has made comments like "well your life is easier and more affordable now, going out once and a while isn't going to kill you" " you need to get out and live" I have shot all these comments down by re-enforcing boundaries and telling her I just can't afford it. We are now at the stage where she doesn't even bother anymore. She hasn't answered my message or phone calls in weeks. To be honest I feel used, I dont really know how you can be friends with someone for so long and the point that makes you want to drop it all is because they won't spend money on you. I just want to understand her perspective, but anytime I had asked, she claims she is just trying to live her best life and that Im not. I never in my life thought money would get in-between me and a long time friend but here we are. She used to come over all the time, wed meet down town just to hang out, but now, if I don't pick her up for the airport, her boyfriends house, her moms house in a different province, then she just stops responding.
Not sure if this is a common thing, but curious to know if it is or isn't since I have expressed my concern for this to others and no one has really given me a straight answer.