I’ve been reflecting on my life and social relationships lately and I realized a while ago, I don’t think I can say people (for the most part) have ever really wanted me to be part of their lives or have a beyond surface/acquaintance level relationship with me. I’m 23, and I can think of like 2 or 3 people that have actually reciprocated an interest in developing a friendship with me. It’s less that people don’t like me, but more that, I’m not ever someone people in my life reach out, take initiative in making plans with, remember birthdays or big occasions or little details about.
I’m not sure why this is and it’s caused a lot of internal discord. I did use to be very depressed in high school, but from a young age I’ve never really had problems making friends in school, socializing, getting involved in clubs or other organizations. I never got bullied or picked on. Maybe behind my back, but there’s no way for me to know that. People have often said to me that I’m funny, smart, that I make good conversation, but on the flip side that I can be quiet and hard to read. I’m 23 now and since leaving my hometown, I’ve made a greater concerted effort to overcome my depression and negative self-talk, become more open and present myself as friendly/approachable. But, it’s gotten me so depressed lately because that necessary social aspect of life is missing; people still don’t really want me in their life. I’ll remember someone’s birthday and in the same year they’ll forget mine (even if I tell them). I reach out to make plans with people and get “we should hang out soon!” with no actual effort on their part to do so. It’s like people like me enough while we’re occupying the same physical space, enough to strike conversation (about more than just like surface level small talk with), but not enough to reach out or keep me in their life outside of the context they know me in, if that makes sense.
So, my question is, why might people keep someone at an arm’s length? Obviously, it’s impossible to say definitively from a single post online, but what might I be doing (or not doing) that makes me irrelevant and forgettable to people? Have you ever had this problem or do you know people that you regard like this?