Hi everyone,
As the title says I’d love some guidance or input on this topic. Im F in my thirties and single. I have only recently really started exploring masturbation more. I’ve not had sex very often (I’m a long term single and find it hard to get intimate with people) and it was never really great because I was too tense.
I do love exploring myself and I’m starting to “allow” myself to fall into it and let go more. But very often, especially when using a vibrator, it’ll feel so so good but then all of a sudden way too much and I have to stop. It’s like I can never find the right balance to actually come?
Or maybe I’m coming and not realising not because it’s not as earth shattering as movies and books make it out to be? 😅 I feel a bit silly being this lost at my age, but I would sincerely appreciate any sort of input, tips or guidance on this topic.
11 comments
it’s best to do it intuitively for the greatest pleasure. You can also try using different toys and engage in electrosex to achieve orgasm without hands
Sounds like you need a toy option that allows you to relax more and it do the work so you can enjoy the finale.
Everything is in your mind. If you allowed yourself to do it, you are half way on this path
My wife has this issue. You have to back off and stop direct stimulation of the clit. There may be a spot adjacent to it that gives the right amount of stimulation. For her, I have to move up, just off of it, then let things rebuild.
try edging, and also get into a state of relaxtion before masturbating
Definitely try teasing yourself, through your clothes, various times during the day. Hopefully later you’ll be desperate for release, and it’ll come swiftly when you finally get down to it.
Indirect clitoral stimulation might be your new best friend. Look up the internal structure of the clitoris.
One of my favourite “moves” is stroking the outer labia while the vibe is on my clit. Something about the extra rhythmic movement helps to “diffuse” some of that oversensitivity, at least for me.
It’s definitely one of those things where when you know you know.
Me and my spouse were together for probably close to 1 1/2yrs to 2 yrs before he made me orgasm for the first time in my life. And I honestly think had I not been on narcotics for a pain disorder I had at the time I would have orgasmed way sooner. He is a good lover.
Mindset plays a crucial role in it and so does your clitoris. Every females anatomy is different so the proper position for you is going to be different than me. I orgasm most often when I am on top because it allows me to rub my clitoris against his pelvis as I ride him and while nowadays we orgasm at the same time or close together, for a long time I needed him to ejaculate in me first for the added lubrication to allow me to finish. Using lube took away from the fiction and made it impossible to finish for me.
The first time I orgasmed I couldn’t tell you what I was thinking but we were in missionary and I just started feeling this flushing feeling come over me and I didn’t even know what to say or do or make of it as it washed over me, but it felt like tingling over my whole body like a muscle contraction but it was my whole body and then this huge release that left me sensitive. I literally just ended up burying my face in his neck and moaning and whimpering.
This is messed up but if you aren’t sure what sensations to lean into you might want to think back to a time in your life where you felt an adrenaline rush or felt naughty. Maybe watch some weird porn?
I also had this issue. At some point I just got angry and told myself I was going to vibrate until I orgasm and I’m not stopping until that. The best way to describe it is that I had to push through that overwhelming feeling, as I then learnt that is how it feels just before an orgasm. Now that feeling isn’t uncomfortable anymore. It helps being really turned on also mentally, and not so focused on solely how it feels physically (if that makes any sense), for me porn does the trick.
I was in the same boat. Avoid direct stimulation on your clitoris. If you are using a vibrator, first use it slowly on parts of your body other than genitalia areas. Like your thighs, breasts. It might be hard but try to not think about orgasming. Enjoy the sensations instead. Take a shower first to feel relaxed. And wear some sexy clothes or lingerie. I like to wear a sexy bra or sundress when I use my vibrator. It kinda creates the mood for me lol
1. Warm feet
2. Keep breathing
3. See if you move the vibe to a close, but not too close, spot if it continues to build or plummets
4. You might be able to use something to “distance” the vibe a bit. A finger, pair of panties folded however many times…etc. Something that will still transmit the same frequency but at a lower intensity.
5. Slow down. You’re alone. If it doesn’t work right away don’t get angry. Switch to a less aggressive method for a few minutes and see if it calms down a little. Then get back at it.
You’ll get it. My wife is the most complicated creature I’ve ever had to help orgasm. I swear it’s a rubix cube that the blocks change colors while you’re turning them. But, there are patterns. Once I found the patterns and the ability to read her reactions in real time I can reliably give her as many as she or I want.