My wife is mad at me because I cried over a football match. She says I didn’t cry when our children were born

27 comments

1. I need to know what team this is an who you support. Coz my team is known for never winning an we had a pretty cool time a few days ago…..m

2. I feel like there’s a lot of shit under the hug and a few skeletons in the closet. I’m going to be honest here, I thought the same as your wife, but when you explained how it’s connected to your family history, it made sense to me.

   You really need to talk to her about everything, she’s not happy about something else, there’s 100% something way bigger behind this incident.

3. Is she aware of the family connection with the team with your father and grandfather? If not, start with that and explain the emotional connection.

   It’s really not a good look with you crying over a game vs not crying when your kids are born.

4. The fact that the birth of YOUR CHILDREN didn’t make you cry but a football match did is concerning and embarrassing. Their births outweighs any historical football game event. I read what you wrote in order to explain your tears and people cry for lots of reasons, but it is sports.

   And she slapped your arm, like you wrote in a comment.

   Yeah, as a wife I totally get where she is coming from. You displayed more feelings over a game/match than the birth of your kids. That is weird.

5. I get that you are moved by the soccer match. By i don’t get why the family events didn’t move you like this. You get angry at your wife, but try to see her point: You showed more emotion now than ever before. You are so happy that you cried. But you weren’t so happy that you cried at the birth or other events. Yes, you were happy, but not like this. Were you really showing the emotion like you think?

6. Idk bro your KIDS being born?? She has a point even if you have an emotional connection it’s still a sports team

7. I’m going to go against the grain and point out that your wife may also have been upset that you were clearly distracted during a family dinner by checking your phone often. It would likely have been very embarrassing as your partner for her to have been sitting there with her husband glued to his phone doing all he could to avoid “warmly cheering for the sake of the table” (really dude, in a public setting, that isn’t showing the game for the table, in front of her whole family?)

   Her words were harsh, yes, but she may have been upset that you couldn’t refrain from being glued to the phone for an important family dinner. You could have stayed home to watch, or taped the game. You also should have let her know of your deep sentimental attachment to this game well before this point and discussed options.

   Also….you blow by her emotions in this post, and the fact that you were distant/distracted at a family dinner, and end by basically saying “she should apologize and do what I want and let me take the kids to this event I WANT without considering her reasons for having previously said no”. So, you have a minor argument, and….you should automatically get your way on a completely seperate issue, no discussion?

   I’d recommend that you sit down with her alone, without other family or the kids, and talk about both of your emotions surrounding the dinner in a calm, non accusatory way. It sounds like your marriage would benefit from a lot more communication.

8. You were beyond rude at that family dinner and embarrassed your wife (and yourself but I think you’re too self-involved to care). You could have recorded it. As for taking the kids – don’t these games devolve into riots pretty often?

   PS – only children cry over their teams.

9. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your emotional reaction to your team, what it invokes for you regarding your dad and grandfather, or wanted to get your kids involved in your interest.

   I do think you’re an asshole for checking scores through dinner and then getting weepy at the table. It’s plain rude, and you should’ve waited to read the result after or just not attended. Your tears were evidence that you were half-present.

10. Some people are being ridiculous. I didn’t cry when my kids were born, I was stressed and worried about my wife. I almost never cry when I’m stressed. But I cry river watching movies, playing a good game or watching sports. Because I’m not stressed about these things.my emotions are focused, not all over the place.

11. I’d be pissed off too.

12. I’m thinking this is less about the football game and more about the acting kind of shit at a family dinner.

13. You were at dinner with your family. You shouldn’t have been on your phone or tried to look at the scores period. I get that it’s sentimental to you, but it does look bad and I’d be pissed as heck when all it seems like you care about is one soccer match

14. I think your wife thinks you care more about this team then your family basically. That’s why she got mad. And maybe she doesn’t really care about this sport and is annoyed with how much of your thoughts and emotions it takes up as opposed to her and the kids

15. I’m surprised you’re a parent when you acted like a teenager when out to dinner. How embarrassed your wife must be of you.

16. I find it alarming that people here are telling you what you should and should not cry about. Don’t listen to any of those salty people, they’re just the feelings police because they themselves are insecure about theirs.

    I do think people are right about you not communicating properly with your wife.

17. I’m sorry you’re a grown man going to dinner and you have your phone out? You’re not involved in the dinner? Yeah that’s the problem. Not the tears. Sheesh. You are deliberately missing the point here. She’s using the example of your kids being born and your lacking emotional response as an example in her mind of you just not giving a shit, as she just saw you sit at a dinner and not give a shit. It may not be a perfect parallel from your perspective but I think with some effort you may be able to see hers.

18. I’ve never cried at a funeral but I’ve cried in movies. Crying is a physical response, for me it comes up more easily for simple emotions than complex things I need to process—like the idea of never seeing a friend again. The most common reason I cry is trivial frustration.

    Your wife is incorrect to assign a rigid standard to what the meaning of crying is to you. And you should tell her so, everyone’s crying is different.

    I’d compare it to something like crying about a book or movie. People can have emotional releases without mistaking their escapes with reality

19. You are allowed to be emotional about whatever the fuck you’re emotional about. My dad didn’t cry when his mom killed herself, but he weeps like a puppy every time we watch the voice (he’s a musician)
    The bigger issue is you watching a game during dinner with your in laws.. it’s disrespectful

    Also yes, a stadium of 20‘000 beer drunk fans who like to fist fight the people with the wrong shirt color isn’t the best place for kids to be

20. I don’t think it’s wrong to get emotional about a game/your hobbies or honestly anything you want. It’s not a sign of weekness. I do think it’s shitty to be watching a game under the table, and I wonder if your wife feels like you aren’t emotionally available enough to her if she pointed out you didn’t cry at the birth of your kids. You can force tears so that doesn’t mean you are “wrong” but if there’s a history there the contrast might be a sore spot for her. Men should be able to cry and express emotion, and you should probably not be having dinner with the fam if you can’t be present and put your phone down.

21. There are those who see this as immature and you’re a loser for being attached/emotional over a soccer team, and there are those who think it’s valid. Honestly man, you need to have a conversation with your wife and kids. See where everyone stands with attending a sporting event and if no one else wants to go, go alone. I can’t say I have this kind of love for any sport or team, but when I hear The Beatles music I cry often (my uncle raised me for a good portion of my adolescence and played their music since I was 6 and traveled with him to or from work). Your feelings are yours, and if you don’t communicate the significance of things to the people around you there’s going to be a lot of arguing for no real reason. Take it with a grain of salt of course, but don’t let these people invalidate how something makes you feel just because they don’t understand it.

    P.s.: I could not possibly care less for a birthday unless it was my immediate family or very close friends, but that’s just me. If this super important game was happening you really should have either drawn the line of how you were going to handle the event being at the same time.

22. “In order not to be rude” Mate. You operated with all the smoothness of a teenager texting in class. Is your wife’s attitude about male emotion a problem? Absolutely. Were you super rude to her family? Yes, and if you don’t think you were, that’s a whole other problem.

    The fact is, people do get really emotional about football. People especially get really intense about their underdog teams having victories. I’m assuming you’re in the UK, given that football fans cannot be trusted to interact safely with fans of other teams, I would be really concerned about having an 8 year old attend a high stakes football match. If she hasn’t been to games with you in the past she’s probably picturing Hillsborough and her children being crushed to death.

23. My wife and I are huge fans of our hometown baseball team. We have been fans since we came out of the womb, so much so now into our adulthood, we spend thousands of dollars a year for season tickets. We have never won a World Series in the entirety of the franchise history.

    That being said, if I was glued to my phone watching a playoff game that if my team won, means we’d go to a World Series, in a public setting with family and friends, my wife would skin me alive so fast for being disinterested in what’s in front of me. Being a major sports fan and a major game is no excuse to disregard the people who took time out of their day to have dinner wit you. It’s not only disrespectful to your wife but those other people as well. You’re looking at this from a majorly selfish standpoint and are just outright refusing to acknowledge the other people involved

24. Lol you sound ridiculous

25. I just want to point out that if the roles were reversed, and a woman was crying over something the man considered insignificant, then Reddit’s reaction would be very different.

26. Your wife was frustrated because she was trying to celebrate her sisters birthday and her husband was barely paying attention and was ignoring everyone for a game. It probably made her feel invisible and embarrassed.

    And her comment about how you didn’t even show emotion at your kids birth is probably a sign of her feeling a lack of emotional intimacy. She’s probably desperate for you to be as invested in her and your kids as you are with your sports team.

27. I don’t think your wife is mad because you cried about your team, I think she’s mad because she feels she’s not a priority in your life.
    I know this is a huge mental jump for a guy to make, so bare with me – while I explain.

    My ex introduced me to football & I absolutely loved it.
    I felt and supported his passion.
    I totally understood why he was so in love with his team & the game.

    We were together for from being teenagers, for many years & had children together.
    Each season, our whole family lives would completely revolve around his love of the game.
    I often joked how I was a football fans widow.

    He never cried when any of our three children were born either.
    But has openly cried at football.
    I found this hard, because I had particularly difficult births.
    During one birth, we almost lost our son.
    And during another birth, I almost died myself.

    They were really traumatic times.
    And all three births required emergency surgery.
    Days after having our first child, a son – he decided he had to go to the match.
    Which also meant drinking from mid day – until the early hours of the morning.

    I really needed support.
    I was a brand new mum, I was frightened, breast feeding & in alot of pain.
    And only two days out of the hospital.

    After our daughter, I almost lost my life.
    And was released from hospital to discover that my mum had suddenly passed away.
    It was a massive shock, to say the least.

    I never felt like a priority.
    I feel like we grew up together, had a family together & that my priorities changed.
    But that his never did.

    I never felt important.
    Or that I ever really mattered.
    And it was very painful.

    It made me angry and resentful.
    And jealous, to be honest.
    The world, my world could be blowing up & nothing mattered more to him than football.

    I’d given this man my all.
    But nothing would ever compare to his love of football.
    It was a very lonely relationship.
    And I felt sad & worthless alot of the time.
    And I can’t even begin to count the amount of nights I cried myself to sleep.

    Needless to say, I eventually ended things.
    We’ve been split up a number of years & I’m now very happy with someone else.
    He found it very hard, for a long time.
    I think he has alot of regrets.

    Don’t make his mistakes.
    Talk to your wife.
    Ask her if this is how she feels.
    Maybe if she feels like you balance life a bit more, she wouldn’t have an issue.
    But you’ll only know, if you talk to her.

    It’s important for the person you are with, to value the things you find important.
    Nobody should stand in the way of you supporting your team.
    You just have to be sure that your not hurting her in the process.

    I hope you both work this out.
    It was hard for our kid’s when we split up.
    It was hard for everyone for a good few years.
    I hope you can avoid this.
    Good luck.