I am hoping this doesn’t break the rules since it does mention tricky situations.
One of my [f32] lifelong friends [f34] had an alteration with her husband [m33] a couple years ago where he put his hands on her so bad that he shattered her glasses when he slammed her head into the wall. Prior to that incident, she commented on how he’s called her a terrible mother and he’s pulled me and another friend of hers into their arguments – one where he called me 10+ times and when I answered he called his now wife a bunch of offensive terms and another where he called our mutual friend [f35] the b-word. After he smashed my friend up up, he took a video of her screaming at him and sent it to her parents saying she was going crazy and her parents did not support her fully saying that she shouldn’t have instigated. The husband also refused to move out after the incident. My friend said she was going to divorce him and the mutual friend and I supported her.
Since then, she’s decided to reconcile with her husband and says they’re better than ever before and learned how to communicate. I’ve kept my distance because she’s made comments like “if you don’t like my man, we can’t be friends” and “I don’t want someone around my child if they don’t like the dad.” I haven’t said a negative word about him since she asked me to no longer and I’ve been a good friend and there for her with anything she needs but every few months she brings up that she feels weird about the tension between me and her husband and now he wants to sit down and talk with me which I’ve reluctantly agreed to.
I put my thoughts together for the discussion: 1) I don’t want to be in the middle of anyone’s marriage/relationship, 2) I find his actions unforgivable but accept that they chose to move past it, 3) I want the utmost happiness for my friend and I don’t get to decide what that looks like, 4) my intention is to be cordial. I offer to send him my thoughts before we chat and he said “no, I want to hear you tell me directly.”
Do you all have any advice to proceed with the conversation or things I should be cautious of?
My ultimate goal is to find a path forward where I can remain friends with my friend and have minimal, cordial interactions with her husband. Thank you for any help/support.