I always end up being stuck in shallow acquiantences stage. We only talk about university work, and other shallow things that are impersonal and everyday banter. But I feel so alone and disconnected from everyone I talk to ever, and they don't attempt closeness with me either.
I figured I have to be vulnerable or show myself or whatever. Don't know what this means. What I've tried: being honest about a problem bothering me in the present and showing emotions, being honest about my loneliness, being honest about my struggles fitting in in one of my university departments. Have these things led anywhere? with anyone? the answer is – no, not at all. I then figured I must be doing the wrong thing, I should first make a fun foundation of comfortability between us before I reveal this stuff and then maybe it'll work. But all I can do is get to shallow conversations about stuff that are totally impersonal. I often times feel like I'm bored with people and not connecting, on top of feeling socially anxious and awkward a lot even when I try. I just feel uncomfortable. I even make an effort sometimes to invite people to hang out although it's hard for me, and it didn't bear fruit.
My question is: what am I doing wrong? I want to be honest and show people who I really am, all parts of me, but it feels like I don't even know who me is or how to be me and reveal it all. I don't know how to feels like to be connected to someone anyone or how to do it naturally. People also don't make any effort to do anything with me other than ask me for help for uni work and that's it, and it makes me feel utterly unworthy of close friendships.
Please help me understand what I am doing wrong