Last year for my bday my good friend called me to wish me a happy birthday and emphasized that they had gotten me something nice. When we finally met up it was her birthday so got her a gift. Turns out she did not actually get me anything and said it was due to finances. I understood the situation but wasn’t sure why she a big deal on the phone and lied to me. Regardless, I was happy to see my friend enjoy her gift.
Over the next couple of months when we hung out, I noticed she would consistently tell other small lies about random things and would ask me to cover her cost for monetary things only to never pay me back. It became a pattern and I felt taken advantage of, so I addressed it. She said she would pay me back only to make up various excuses like her e-transfer not working in sending money to my account. I just decided to sort of distance myself from her for a bit because it seemed she wouldn’t change, and I felt grossly disrespected. At Xmas I got a phone call from her excited about the nice Xmas gift she got me and asking to meet up so she could make up for her previous behaviour. I was honestly happy to forgive and give her one last chance, but my family suggested that I not get her anything since they doubted, she would follow through and didn’t want me to play into it. To my surprise she did as she promised. She said the Christmas gift was to make up for my lack of birthday gift. I went on vacation and could not meet up with her and gave her a belated Christmas gift when I got back because I felt bad for misjudging the situation and being unreasonable and cruel (?).
My bday was 3 months ago and she showed up to the dinner I hosted with a chocolate and said my real gift was in the mail, I believed her. Afterwards every meet up she would bring up how she was excited for my surprise. About 2 weeks ago I asked to know what she had gotten me. She sent me a nice virtual collage, but I was sad to see it was using pictures we had taken after my birthday. She sent me virtual copies of it claimed she got it bound along with another gift which, when I asked if she could take a picture, got super defensive saying ” I already told you everything.” Last week, unprompted in a phone call she says she actually ended up getting something else. At this point I didn’t know what to believe.
My issue is that her birthday is coming up and so would it be bad if I also only showed up with a chocolate and told her gift was in the mail? I do not want to play into her games. Last time she apologized for Christmas it was only after I distanced myself from her and thus, showing her there are ripple effects to her actions. It is not the lack of gift giving but the lying and lack of consideration towards my feelings which hurts. It seems she is tit for tatting me for not getting her a Christmas gift on time? I also don’t want to make the situation worse … but why I am trying to save this friendship when she consistently seems to harm it? Am i too sensitive about something stupid?
2 comments
I used to do the same thing as your friend before I told everyone in my life that I hate exchanging gifts and stopped forever. I would procrastinate and then feel guilty about not having something, so I would say that it’s in the mail to buy myself some more time. It was never malicious, but I did feel bad.
Why are you still friends with this person who’s treating you as an ATM?
The lying alone should be the biggest of red flags.
Anyway, if you value her for other reasons just step back from the gift exchanges and do fun stuff together. And don’t pay for her! Do free stuff if she’s short on money. Like walks in the park, free museums, or watch movies at your place.
Boundaries!
Good luck.