I met some of my online friends for the first time earlier this week and now that I'm back home I feel anxious. I've never been the most socially graceful person, these friends of mine are aware of it, but being aware of it and being witness to it are two different things. There were a lot of small things that happened while I was over there such as going to a party in person and not knowing when to be quiet, making comments/jokes which are a bit nerdy/internety (we went to a sunglasses place and I said a pair would be perfect for a cosplay of a Homestuck character), also was being 'too negative' which was something I was super unaware of (an example would be going into a shop and commenting on how things were expensive) and also after the second day there I started feeling really out of it physically as the location I went to just so happened to be in the middle of the dessert.
I've had rough history in the past with other friendships where things will be good one day, but they fumble down. As I said before, I'm not as socially graceful as I wish I was, so I've had moments in the past where something goes wrong and everything just fumbles apart. Some instances I don't feel like I did anything wrong on, but some I do try to reflect.
I felt super anxious about going down there and feel anxious now that I'm back. I was aware of this being a possibility and I knew there would be some blunders up. I'm just terrified that this may snowball into me no longer being friends with these people who I consider close friends of mine. I want to trust them in that everything is fine, but I've had previous best friends turn their backs on me before.